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| The anger made flesh in the form of an angry and painful lip zit. Ouch. |
Things sort of came to a head yesterday when I had to fight myself not to punch holes in the wall and in people's faces. I was not okay. I had to get away. So, I went to Denny's and had a bowl of chili. Fueled by protein and solitude, I realized that the way I had been feeling was triggered by a series of bad events, and that I could have stopped the train a lot earlier if only I had realized what was going on. Instead, it took me about 3 weeks to figure things out and get back on the right track.
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| Out of sorts one week less than this condom has been on the fence. Here we see "Week 4: The Shriveling." |
Today I am in a better place. A good place. And what is my first inclination? To reach out to my friends who are not in such good places. This is setting myself up for failure, I think. Since I am good right now (at least I think I am), wouldn't it be best to work on bolstering my own emotional infrastructure so that next time something unpleasant blindsides me I well equipped to deal with it? In my world, 3 weeks is pretty good recovery time, but 3 days would be better.
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| How could I not be in a better place? I saw a kitty today! |
This is not to say that I will not reach out to my less than okay friends. Ultimately, I will be able to do that and take care of myself. I like being helpful and I can't help but worry and wring my hands when I know that my favorite people are suffering. Especially since I know exactly what that sort of suffering feels like. Thankfully, most of the people on my "fret" list are seeing counselors and have treatment plans, so I won't have to worry too much. As for the ones who are not currently seeking help - you can lead a horse to water and all that, right? God helps he who helps himself. So too must I, at least for now.
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| I think the universe was trying to tell me something about my attitude. |
Uranium J's List of Needs for Emotional Stability
- Regular (low carb/low sugar/high protein) meals
- I get mean when I'm hungry.
- Emotions go haywire when my blood sugar is out of whack.
- Protein makes me feel good and it's good for me.
- Regular exercise
- Exercise releases endorphins.
- Endorphins make you happy.
- Happy people don't kill their husbands.
- Clean and Organized Home
- Clean floors make me happy.
- The less time I spend looking for things, the more time I have for happy making endeavors.
- If the house is clean and maintainable I can stop worrying about it.
- Lots of time alone
- I don't do well with a lot of questions.
- I like to be left to do my own thing.
- It makes me appreciate my time with people all the more.
- Being present with loved ones
- I will feel like a good friend/partner/mother.
- Not being present stresses me out.
- I will be happier for having richer and fuller experiences.
- Music! Music! Music!
- I don't like silence.
- I love music.
- I am happier in general when there is a backing soundtrack to my life.
- Routines for Morning/Evening
- I can make time for happiness essentials, like exercise and writing.
- I will avoid further breakouts (I hope).
- I can plan for the next day, thereby avoiding stress.
- Establish Independence
- I can do things by myself.
- I don't need someone to hold my hand.
- I don't need anyone's permission to do what is good for me.
- Zen
- I cannot change other people.
- I cannot control the world around me.
- I am only in charge of my actions and reactions.
- Drink More Water
- Caffeine is a trigger.
- Dehydration is a trigger.
- Water is good for your body and your skin.
And more water means more time looking at signs like this.
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