On Wednesday of last week I took That Sprout to the beach at St. Simon's Island. She begged to go, and as I don't work I figured that it was important to spend these moments with her. Also, it was a beautiful day. I am impressed that even as I write this on the 5th day of June it has yet to get hot. It's only a matter of time. That Sprout had so much fun splashing in the surf and playing in the sand that she didn't want to leave, but after almost four hours, I was done. Well done, actually. Despite my liberal use of sunscreen I got pretty sunburned. On my legs! What the hell? Diet-wise, it was not a good day. I had Dunkin' Donuts and Wendy's. No Beuno. After fighting me hard to stay at the beach, That Sprout succumbed to her exhaustion and took a nice long nap on the way home. I had hoped that she would stay asleep long enough for me to take a shower. That didn't happen, but she did lay docile in my bed watching Barney while I got all the salt and sand off, so that was just as good. In the shower I found that I was not off my period as I had previously thought. In essence I was Shark Bait and didn't know it. Ick. After my shower, That Sprout and I snuggled on the couch and played with dinosaurs while watching a BBC documentary on: Dinosaurs. Narrated by none other than Kenneth Branagh, no less. That Sprout seemed to really enjoy it. I am very glad that I let her play hookie. I think we needed some Mommy/Sprout time. After a bath wherein she informed me that cows go "Moo!", ducks go "Quack!", chickens go "Bock!" and Mommies go "Cry!", we cuddled up together and I read her Beowulf. This was sort of successful. She understands that there's a monster and he doesn't like the king, so he's squashing the king's castle. Not bad, right? After that, she went to bed, and so did I. j^C had to work all night, and while I would have liked to have done some work on my Teacher Ready stuff, I was exhausted.
On Thursday I woke up tired and with more sinus issues. I thought the beach had cured it, but I was sorely mistaken. Also, I didn't get much sleep. I spent the whole day in bed watching The Twilight Zone, except for lunch at La Napolera (Huevos con Chorizo!) and my therapy appointment. On the way to my appointment, I stopped at Foxy Loxy for an iced Mexican Mocha. Those should not come over ice. From now on, I will drink them hot or not at all.
Friday morning began with That Sprout and I feeding mini Ritz crackers to the baby duckies in the yard. We were a little late for school, but BABY DUCKIES! Some things are just more important. After dropping her off at school, I took myself to breakfast at Waffle House and ate a hearty meal while working on some notes for a writing project I hope to start next month. It's called "Why Are You My Friend?" and it's going to be a compilation of stories about my friends and why I don't deserve them sometimes. Nothing heavy, more funny stuff - like the time I colored most of my face with a Sharpie marker. I know that Waffle House isn't the best thing to eat, but I convinced myself that with my continuing sinus issues I deserved an indulgent breakfast. This kind of thinking is why we have an obesity epidemic, people. When I got home the first thing I did was watch the latest episode of Hannibal. If you haven't seen it and you are a Dead Like Me fan, then you need to go now. It was very cheeky, if not a bit graphic with the gore. Herschell Gordon Lewis is smiling down on NBC even as we speak. After Hannibal, I did a fair bit of research on why my 2.5 year old suddenly doesn't want to sleep in her room. It could be nightmares, so the internet told me. In order to combat this problem, I spent extra cuddle and reading time with That Sprout before bed, and I sent her off to dreamland with "Anti-Monster Spray" to keep her safe. It sort of worked, but we are still having bedtime issues almost a week later. Hopefully this passes because I feel like the worst parent ever when I hear her wailing for "Mommy!" after sending her to bed.
That afternoon when I picked up That Sprout from school, I learned that she had had a pretty rough day. She got bitten and scratched. So, I took her to get an ice cream cone before dinner. This turned out to be a big mistake. Little did I know that there was a fundraiser going on. There were tons of kids and two bouncy houses. Of course, That Sprout did not want to leave, which would have been fine if I weren't still suffering with the never-ending sinus issue. I told her that if she went home and ate a good dinner, we could come back, hoping that daddy would take her and I could sit around waiting to die. Eventually, I picked her up like a sack of potatoes and carried her to the car. This did not go over well. When we got home, she did not eat a good dinner and she kept whining to go back to "the castle". j^C brought pizza home for dinner, so her not eating was just stubbornness. She loves pizza. Everyone loves pizza. However, I am proud to say that I ate a Grilled Chicken Salad instead. I love the grill at the Ft. Stewart Bowling Alley - they are the only place that has good pizza and good salads. Hopefully, if we continue the tradition of "Pizza Night", I will continue with the Chicken Salads. If I use oil and vinegar they are pretty darn healthy and I swear I'm really trying to be in control of my intake at this point. (More on that in a moment.) Anyway, I held firm to the bargain. No dinner, no castle. Instead, we watched Dinosaurs, read books, and went to bed. As I said, that was a hassle, but I think that the "Anti-Monster Spray" helped. After that, I worked on the blog while watching The Twilight Zone until I was ready to sleep.
On Saturday, That Sprout woke up talking about "the castle". I woke up feeling like hell on toast so j^C took That Sprout on an excursion to Wal-Mart and to another local bouncy house while I stayed in bed. I didn't want to eat anything and try as I might, I couldn't sleep. I just laid in bed listening to Pandora, wishing in vain for health. After j^C and That Sprout got home it was time for her nap. That went poorly, but eventually we got her into bed and asleep. I decided to go to the store, but instead I went to Plum's and had 1/2 patty melt, cherry coke, & fries. I figured that I would shop better on a full stomach. Instead, eating just made me feel sick, so I came home and made Ground Turkey Curry and Thai Green Beans with what I had in the fridge. Is curry better with more veggies? Yes. Was I interested in going to buy those veggies? Hell no. After dinner I was still sick. Felt like death. Went to bed early.
I tried to stay in bed on Sunday, but j^C convinced me that a family outing was a good idea. So, I got up and took a shower while listening to REM Pandora. I could have stayed in the shower all day. Instead, we all got dressed and headed to Monkey Joe's, but as we arrived at 11 it was not yet open. So, our Family Trip moved to Barnes and Noble. That Sprout had fun playing with the train set in the Children's section while j^C and I took turns browsing. Thankfully, my sinuses felt better but my head was in a fog. I felt like I was going through motions. I didn't see too many things in the store that caught my eye. I looked for a copy of Trilby by George du Maurier. Seriously, they had like 7 different novels by Daphne du Maurier and not one blessed thing by her gramps? The injustice! Meanwhile, I did see that David Sedaris published a new set of essays. While I would love to add it to my Sedaris Library, I am not shelling out $27 for the hardback copy. Hopefully it will be in paperback by Christmas. That's a hint for anyone out there feeling generous. I also saw a stack of Confessions of a Sociopath and I was giddy. I picked on up to show j^C saying "This is so cool! I know the person who wrote this book!" That's sort of true, anyways. We have corresponded via email. Regardless, it makes me happy to see anyone in my personal universe find success and fame. I also tend to treat people like they are famous, even if they aren't. If I read your blog, to me, you are famous. Have a PhD? Famous. Were in a ballet? Famous. Run races? Famous. Live in someplace I wish I lived? Famous. Interviewed on the local news? Famous. In the newspaper? Famous. (By that logic, everyone is famous when they are born and when they die.) In my brain, Captain Tesla and Mojo Jojo are the most famous people I know, closely followed by the bloggers I correspond with and Michael Gira. I think this is a good thing. People say we shouldn't treat celebrities any differently from normal people. Whatever. I think we should just treat everyone like celebrities because most everyone has something that makes them awesome. I digress: Sunday. After B&N, we were hungry, yet I was feeling sort of nauseous. j^C was craving Chinese so we hit up the local Chinese Buffet for lunch. I didn't eat much, which was kind of a waste considering the fact that Sunday lunch costs $11 a plate. Ugh. Afterward, I let j^C drive home because I wanted to inspect the water leaking into the floorboard. I thought it might have something to do with the AC and I hoped that it would resolve itself. At home, I listened to Pandora in bed then watched Duran Duran videos. I need more Duran Duran in my life. Much the happy. Especially 1990-2000 era Duran Duran. While the 90s might have had a lot of questionable music and fashion, this did not effect my boys. They never looked better, and in ways, they never sounded better. I keep praying for Warren Cuccurrullo to return. He brought such great things to the band. Alas, I shall have to make do with TV Mania and hope that Nick can persuade him to come back. j^C conspicuously accommodating and affectionate. Interesting.
On Monday, I felt like crap. I did next to nothing. I talked to Mojo Jojo, Xsty, and Captain Tesla which may not have been the most productive use of my time, but it did put me on the road to achieving my unofficial June Goal of "more friends". See, back in January, I thought I was going to work my way through Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project month by month. That just didn't happen. But! I happened across my copy of this tome last week and decided to take a note from The FlyLady and "Start Where You Are". So, I read the June chapter and I took away 2 things. #1: "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good" and #2: "More friends = more happiness". Now, I am truly blessed in the friends department. I have more wonderful people in my life than I deserve - the trouble is that I get very anxious when I have let communication drop off. It gets the better of me, and I don't tend to re-establish contact. This is where #1 comes in. I have to just do what I can to maintain contact. If that means short emails and facebooking, that's okay. I've learned recently that in building relationships, quantity outweighs quality. Since I have a dearth of quality friends, I don't think I'm going to go making any new ones (the book suggests making 3 new friends in June); instead I am going to focus on re-establishing and maintaining relationships with the ones I already have. I am currently trying to figure out how to make it to Pensacola to see Captain Tesla and how to get to Asheville to see Xsty. Meanwhile, I spent some time with my old co-teacher That Cunt before Deep Speaks at Starbucks. Deep Speaks, the book release event for our Spring Semester was AWESOME! I am so lucky to be able to work with so many amazing women! I am also incredibly lucky to be able to help Savannah's middle school students find their voices. Two of my former students read, and I promise you, me and That Cunt were their biggest cheerleaders. I am so very proud of all that these kids have accomplished, and while I know they learned a lot from me and my co-teachers, I hope they know how much I learned from all of them. Seriously, if you aren't volunteering with some kind of NPO, then you need to look into it. It's kind of the best thing ever. After Deep Speaks, I came home and went to sleep, but not before discovering that the water issue in my car had become critical. The car smelled TERRIBLE and I could hear water sloshing back and forth under the dash when I made sharp turns. No Beuno.
On Tuesday, I cleaned out car in the AM after dropping That Sprout at School. I was very worried about her. She's very attached to Mommy right now, does not want to go to school, and is still having bedtime issues. I am trying to put it out of my mind, even now, because I know that going to school is good for her. She's learning a lot - not just songs and ABCs, but all those important social things that you can't learn by staying home with Mommy. Still, I see a lot of myself in her. She's not the nebbish creature I was, but she is very sensitive. I just hope that continuing to go to school allows her to find her voice and her confidence while preserving her kind and sensitive nature. She's really an awesome and unique kid. I worry so much that I'm "messing her up". I guess only time will tell, and the teachers tell me that when she's at school she's happy and that she's more or less an exemplary student. Still, I am focusing on making more time for the two of us. I hope that will quell some of the insecurities I am seeing in her. Meanwhile, back to the car; when I was cleaning it out, I found mold in the floor from the leak. Ick. I also found that I had a doctor's appointment at 10 am. I thought it was on Thursday. Suddenly, my day got very hectic. At doctor I:
- I learned that I had lost 8 pounds
- I learned have a perforated left ear drum
- I found out that the sinus issue had turned into an ear infection
- I got my last HPV shot
- I got a script for weight loss pills and a Z-Pac
The doctor and I discussed my continued weight loss efforts and she encouraged me to attend a informational meeting about Bariatric Surgery on Wednesday. Being that I was still sick and in pain, and emotional from the weight loss and psychiatric (CL) talk, I cried when I got my last HPV shot. Pain and emotional duress are not a good mix for me. And those shots are like peanut butter. Lame. But, at least they are done and over with and hopefully, they will prevent me from winding up like Michael Douglas. Seriously, that shit has me terrified. After the appointment, I went to Target to drop off the scripts, then headed to Savannah Toyota to see about the water leak. It was an AC issue. I also needed new tires. 5 hours and nearly $900 later, I was able to pick up my scripts and go home. When I picked up That Sprout she was begging to go to the beach, despite the pendulous thunder clouds. Instead, we all went to the store. I am trying VERY hard to limit my dairy/gluten/sugar intake. I would like to eliminate them entirely, but I don't think that fits with my reality. I bought lots of fresh fruits and veggies, then we came home and ate baked chicken and mac&cheese. I was tired, sick, and hungry. Did not care about dairy/gluten/sugar at that point. Also, as sick, not too hungry, so kept mac&cheese intake to a minimum.
Today I woke up feeling worse than before. I had a splitting headache all day. After my small and sensible breakfast, it seemed to go away, but it came back later with a vengeance. I'm not sure if it's a side effect of the Z-Pac or dehydration or what, but it was pretty miserable. Today was also the first day of my new weight loss pills! They seem to be working. In an effort to be more aware of what I am eating, I decided to start taking photos of my meals with my phone, and then emailing them to myself. That way, I will have a record of what I ate, how much, and when. It's working for the most part, although I did forget to take a picture of my lunch salad at Atlanta Bread Company. I'm not worried about it though, I wrote it down in an email and sent it, so that's almost as good, right? Baby steps . . . Speaking of which, I am happy to say that I made more progress with my June relationship friend goal thing. I spoke to friend I have been out of touch with today. I had planned on giving her a call sometime before the end of the week, but she texted me and beat me to the punch. This is good. I hope to see her either Thursday or Friday. Baby steps . . . Regarding my hope to banish sugar from my diet (and subsequently, That Sprout's - she's developing a sugar problem!) I made sugar free raspberry preserves with raspberry, chia seeds, and lucuma powder. It's a bit tart, and That Sprout was unimpressed at her first try, but I have faith that she'll come to like it. Either that, or I'll wind up eating it myself and trying again with a less tart fruit, like blueberries or strawberries. At around 4, I headed to Savannah for the Bariatric Surgery informational meeting. I left early so I could stop in at Fresh Market for some fresh ground peanut butter. It's so much better than that "natural" peanut butter with all the oil on top - the fresh stuff doesn't separate! I had not eaten lunch and I had a little time yet to kill, so I went across the street for a 1/2 salad at ABC. Who should I find working there, but Sarah Bates! I had been thinking about her all day because of the Bariatric Surgery thing.
See, Sarah Bates is an real weight loss inspiration and one of my personal heroes. She lost 90+ pounds with diet and exercise. That's freaking amazing, and it shows me that if I wanted it bad enough, I could lose the weight too, without surgery. Like me, she has struggled with her weight all her life, and now that she's lost the weight she's got a lot of skin to deal with. This morning, I donated $25 to her indigogo campaign: "Brave New Body" to help fund her skin removal surgery. So, I was pretty happy to run into her before the Bariatric Surgery meeting. I think it was serendipitous. Also, it was another baby step for my June relationship friend goal thing. We talked about weight loss, Deep, mutual acquaintances, and Behind the Candelabra which was middling, but I still want to see. I left feeling very unsure about my own surgery option and feeling empowered to make the changes without surgery. Honestly, surgery scares the crap out of me, but dying does too and this weight has got to come off one way or another. My liver is dying a slow death. Not good. Still, if she can do it, why can't I? I make a lot of excuses for myself. I need to invent reasons why I can do it - because I CAN. Anyway, I found myself at this meeting and I had SO. MANY. FEELINGS.
I was probably the thinnest person there. My mobility is just fine and I was walking with a quick and determined pace while those around me struggled to shuffle to their seats. These are people who really can't work out - who really need help. I listened to the lecture about the 3 kinds of surgery and all the particulars of qualification. My Primary Care Physician already told me that I would most likely only be qualified for the Lap-Band. As for qualifying with my insurance, I don't think that will happen. First of all, at this moment, my BMI is 40 and it needs to be over 40 with no-comorbidities. You would think that liver function would be a co-morbidity for this sort of thing, but you would be wrong. The only 3 that matter are diabetes, sleep apnea, and hypertension. While I might just qualify right now, I hope to lose some more weight over the next 6 months which would then dis-qualify me. I also don't think that I would pass the required psychological evaluation as I don't believe I have the necessary support system in place in order to be successful. I am going to discuss this with my Primary Care Physician at our next appointment, but I found myself leaving the meeting with a new found sense of determination regarding my weight loss efforts. I CAN walk every day. I CAN track my food. I don't NEED to resort to surgery. I CAN do this. So, I continue with my photographic food diary, and as soon as this ear infection resolves, you best believe I WILL be going to the gym. I CAN do better, and it's kind of selfish not to when there's even one room full of suffering people who really CANNOT.
See, Sarah Bates is an real weight loss inspiration and one of my personal heroes. She lost 90+ pounds with diet and exercise. That's freaking amazing, and it shows me that if I wanted it bad enough, I could lose the weight too, without surgery. Like me, she has struggled with her weight all her life, and now that she's lost the weight she's got a lot of skin to deal with. This morning, I donated $25 to her indigogo campaign: "Brave New Body" to help fund her skin removal surgery. So, I was pretty happy to run into her before the Bariatric Surgery meeting. I think it was serendipitous. Also, it was another baby step for my June relationship friend goal thing. We talked about weight loss, Deep, mutual acquaintances, and Behind the Candelabra which was middling, but I still want to see. I left feeling very unsure about my own surgery option and feeling empowered to make the changes without surgery. Honestly, surgery scares the crap out of me, but dying does too and this weight has got to come off one way or another. My liver is dying a slow death. Not good. Still, if she can do it, why can't I? I make a lot of excuses for myself. I need to invent reasons why I can do it - because I CAN. Anyway, I found myself at this meeting and I had SO. MANY. FEELINGS.
I was probably the thinnest person there. My mobility is just fine and I was walking with a quick and determined pace while those around me struggled to shuffle to their seats. These are people who really can't work out - who really need help. I listened to the lecture about the 3 kinds of surgery and all the particulars of qualification. My Primary Care Physician already told me that I would most likely only be qualified for the Lap-Band. As for qualifying with my insurance, I don't think that will happen. First of all, at this moment, my BMI is 40 and it needs to be over 40 with no-comorbidities. You would think that liver function would be a co-morbidity for this sort of thing, but you would be wrong. The only 3 that matter are diabetes, sleep apnea, and hypertension. While I might just qualify right now, I hope to lose some more weight over the next 6 months which would then dis-qualify me. I also don't think that I would pass the required psychological evaluation as I don't believe I have the necessary support system in place in order to be successful. I am going to discuss this with my Primary Care Physician at our next appointment, but I found myself leaving the meeting with a new found sense of determination regarding my weight loss efforts. I CAN walk every day. I CAN track my food. I don't NEED to resort to surgery. I CAN do this. So, I continue with my photographic food diary, and as soon as this ear infection resolves, you best believe I WILL be going to the gym. I CAN do better, and it's kind of selfish not to when there's even one room full of suffering people who really CANNOT.
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