NaNoWriMo: Day 26

That Sunday morning he snuck out of Stella’s bedroom and went to his truck to put on his nicest clothes: the white button front shirt and jeans he had worn to the party at Herlin Hall months before. Stella had bought a tie for him the day before and brought it to him at church. He was so tall he couldn’t have borrowed one from anyone if he’d wanted to.

            The shirt and tie made him look presentable, but he needed a jacket. Stella made a note that she would be taking him to get a suit at some point in the near future. Buckley would likely balk, but she thought he had the potential to clean up rather nicely and she wanted to see the finished product.

            When he walked into the church, head turned. A man as big as him was certain to garner a certain amount of attention, but what Stella had not expected was for her father to approach him and begin to speak.

            “What are you doing here young man?”

            “I’m here for church.”

            “I heard you moved somewhere up north.”

            “I did. I’m here visiting my mama.”

            “Well why aren’t you with her this morning?”

            “I thought I might like to spend an hour in the presence of the Lord.”

            Stella’s father looked at him incredulously. “I didn’t know you were a religious man.”

            “I’ve recently found God.” Buckley said. And it was true, in a manner of speaking. He had found God as much as he could in Stella. She made him a better man than he might otherwise be.

            Stella’s father began to say something else, but at that moment the organ began and the service began. Buckley took his seat and wondered where his daughter was and if this venture were a pointless one. Would they even bring a four year old into the service?

            He didn’t wonder for long though. A little bit into the service there was the children’s service, where the priest ministers directly to the children at the altar and he saw her then. Stella had been right. She looked just like him. A pang of emotion hit him as he watched her. Was it pride? He had created this beautiful, joyful little creature. Stella was right in that she looked very happy in her life. There was no reason to break her up from it. While it had been done in a very wrong way, maybe Stella’s parents had been right in giving her a better life than the one that he could have given her at the time. But who is to say. He would have loved her fiercely. But is love enough?

            He wanted to talk to the girl’s parents. It was so strange to think of it in those terms. He was her parent – but he was not. He had not raised her. He had not even known about her until a few months ago. He wanted them to know that he wanted to be informed about her life. He didn’t even have to be involved, but maybe updates here and there? A Christmas card? He wanted somehow to be able to watch this beautiful person he helped to create grow up. He knew that if he were to introduce himself to her it would only serve to confuse her and probably hurt her. She would wonder why they hadn’t wanted her when that was the farthest thing from the truth. He would have wanted her if he had known about her.

            The more he thought about it, the more it was hard for him to not be a little angry at Stella for not telling him. Why hadn’t she trusted him more at the time? Why hadn’t she come to him and told him that she was carrying his child? Didn’t he have a right to know? He understood how cowed she was by her family, but he also felt that she should have felt protected by him. She was young and it was a scary thing.

            The priest’s message was on the first week of Advent and had to do with Mary and her cousin Elizabeth and how they both found themselves pregnant via miracles. Buckley thought about Stella’s pregnancy and how it must have seemed like anything but a miracle. How sad that they joy of being a mother was stolen from her in such a way.

            He wanted to make her a mother again someday. He knew she wasn’t in a hurry, but they talked about it sometimes. They talked about a lot of things for the future. Getting married. Babies. It was just not a good time because of all the chaos surrounding Buckley’s mother and Stella was still trying to make something of herself as an independent career woman and Buckley was very supportive of that goal.

            And then of course there was the issue of Stella’s ignorant family. He often wondered what their hang-up was. Stella said it was just because they were old school and they believed that races shouldn’t mix. They didn’t have a problem with him as a person. They just had a problem with her dating and ultimately procreating with him. This seemed like the height of ignorance to Buckley, but he was already of a mixed race lineage so he couldn’t understand racial purity if he had wanted to.

           

            Buckley was able to get another glance of his daughter as he was leaving the church. She was walking to the car with her mother and father, each one holding a hand, and he could tell that they were loving and kind. They doted on her and she would have the kind of opportunities with them that he could never have given her. He leaned against the side of the church and sighed at that moment and sighed. Just then, Stella’s father came up behind him and started talking.

            “Look, I know why you’re here. I don’t know who told you what, but you need to leave them alone. She’s happy.”

            “Why didn’t you let me know?”

            “Because you would’ve tried to do the right thing. It’s bad enough that little girl’s got to have mixed blood.”

            “Why’s that so wrong?”

            “It’s confusing for a child. They don’t know which culture they belong to. Neither culture wants them. It’s not right.”

            “Is that what you think it’s like?”

            “Ain’t it?”

            “Not really. You have caused me so much grief and pain over what you think is compassion. Do you know that?”

            “What do you mean?”

“I love Stella. I mean really, really love her. I would die for her. I would die right now for the child we had together that you never even gave me the courtesy of letting me know I had. And you have done everything in your power to keep up apart. Because you think you’re being compassionate to your unborn grandchildren. If you were any kind of man at all, you would just love them when they came instead of foisting them off on someone else to love.”

And with that Buckley stalked off to his truck and drove away.

Stella of course heard all of this as she had been hanging back around the corner listening in case things got out of control between her dad and Buckley. She couldn’t help going a little weak in the knees when she heard Buckley say those things. It wasn’t just that he was professing her love for her – she knew those things already – it was that the fact that he was standing up to her father that she found so incredibly sexy. Before her dad could come back around the corner and find her snooping she rushed to her car to go and find Buckley.

She tracked him down under the causeway – one of their old haunts. She got out of her car and walked over to him.

“Buckley, are you alright?”

He looked at her. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a little hot back there is all.”

“I heard what your said to my dad.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

             “I meant it. Every word.”

            She kissed him. “I know.”

           

            Stella had to go back to Putnam County that afternoon and sadly, Buckley was not. He had too much more to take care of to get his mama ready to move in with him. With Buckley out of town for the next few weeks, Stella focused on work and getting ready for Christmas. She also made a point to reconnect with Lottie in Crescent City in order to inquire about the film she had made all those months ago.

            Lottie was a year behind Stella in school, so the film had turned in to a senior project. Stella was anxious to see the finished project. In the meantime, Stella felt that now was a great time to start trying to make some girl friends in the area. What better way to go about doing so than to throw a Christmas party?

            She invited Selena and a few of the girls she knew from work as well as a few of the people she knew through Selena. Girls only. There would be wine, cheese, music, and hopefully lots of laughing. She planned on cramming all of the girls into her tiny apartment which would at least encourage mingling.

            On the night of the party Stella waited and waited, but no one showed up. She couldn’t understand why. Could they all have previous engagements? Was it something that she said? This slight would certainly make things awkward with the girls she worked with. She wondered what Selena’s problem had been though. Why would they all have blown her off.

            At around 9 PM, when she had all but given up hope, Selena and Noel stopped by with a bottle of wine and Stella couldn’t help losing her composure at this small act of kindness.

            “You have no idea how happy I am to see you guys.”

            “What’s up? Where is everyone?”

            “No one came?”

            “Oh wow. That is awful.”

            “I know,” Stella sobbed. “Why doesn’t anyone like me?”

            “There there,” Selena said. “We like you.”

            “Come on.” Noel said. “Let’s open up this wine and get this party started.”

            Stella grabbed a corkscrew from the kitchen and proceeded to uncork the wine. It was a merlot, which Stella was fond of.

            “Where are your glasses?” Selena asked, perusing the kitchen that was once hers.

            “In the cabinet by the sink.”

            Selena brought over three glasses and Stella poured them all generous glasses of wine.

            “Now,” said Noel, “what’s been going on with you?”

            “This doesn’t feel much like a party.”

            “No, there are only three of us. This is now a gab session.”

            “Okay. Um, Buckley and I are now an item. Officailly. Again.”

            “Oh, wow,” said Selena. “Congratulations!” She felt a pang of jealousy even though she knew that she had no right to. Since marrying Rhodes she’d been so happy. She had everything she wanted – why did she every so often still yearn for Buckley?

            “Yeah. And we’ve seen our daughter. I know who has adopted her. But I don’t think we’re going to do anything with this knowledge.”

            “Why not?” asked Selena, intrigued. “Don’t you want your baby back?”

            “I think she’s happiest right where she is. Buckley agrees.”

            “Are you sure? Don’t you think she should be with her real mama and daddy? Especially since they’re back together?”

            “I just don’t think it would be right to break up her happy home is all. Can we talk about something else?”

            “Sure,” said Noel. “How are things with you and Buckley?”

            “Oh things couldn’t be better! He is everything I ever wanted.”

            “Then why did you resist him for so long?”

            “Selena, why are you being so confrontational tonight?” Noel asked.

            “I’m just asking questions.”

            “No, she has a point. I resisted him for so long because I was young and stupid and afraid. I’m not so afraid anymore. At least, I don’t think I am.”

            Noel smiled sweetly at Stella. “That’s so sweet! Good for you!”

            “Thanks.”

            Inside of her own body, Selena wanted to puke.

            Buckley was having a hell of a time convincing his mother that she was going to have to leave this joke of a place she called home and move with him to Putnam County. She was not aware of the reality of her situation until her had packed her bags and put them in the back of his truck and was leading him to the truck himself. When she realized the reality of her situation, she began cussing her son and she didn’t stop until the truck stopped at Buckley’s house in East Palatka. It was clear that her heath hadn’t suffered much because her lungs were seemingly in fine shape.

            When she saw Buckley’s modest trailer, she was appalled.

            “This is where you live?” she asked.

            “Yes. Be it ever so humble.”

            “You must be out of your mind if you think I’m going to stay here.”

            “Well, we’re all mad here , mama.:” he said, smiling at her.

            “You have to find me my own place,” she begged.

            “”I’ll see what I can do,” he said. “But I make you no promises.”

           

            That night, they ate Hardee’s Hamburgers and milkshakes in silence. His mother was still sulking about the fact that Buckley had brought her up there to live with him, and he was sad that he still didn’t feel like he could tell her that she was a grandmother. The time wasn’t right. Not with everything else that was going on. As mad as she was she would have made a huge deal out of the situation.

            For reasons Buckley never fully understood, his mother never liked Stella much more than her family liked him. He always suspected that it was because she was afraid Stella would take him away from her which was exactly what was ultimately going to happen. A man was supposed to leave his family and cleave to his wife. Whatever cleave meant – he was pretty sure that had to do with cutting which was the opposite of what he intended to do with Stella if he made her his wife, but I digress. Although Buckley’s mama was always polite and congenial enough to Stella when she was around, she preferred that Stella not be around.

            Buckley hoped that his mother’s ire at having been forcibly removed from her home would be short lived. He was going to have to live with her now for the forseeable future – at least until he could find her a place of her own, and he couldn’t imagine having to put up with her vitriol night and day with no end in sight. As soon as he had her somewhat settled in, he went over to Stella’s apartment. He needed respite and he could already see that Stella’s place was going to become his sanctuary.

             When he got to Stella’s he couldn’t help smiling. She had the whole place decked out in Christmas lights and there was Christmas tree that was really much too large for the place taking up one corner of the room. When she opened the door she threw her arms around him and he picked her up and swung her around.

            “It’s so good to see you, Buckley! I’ve missed you!”

            “I’ve missed you too.”

            Stella had been cooking dinner and she fixed Buckley a plate. They sat on her couch and ate while she listened to him tell her all about what he’d been through with his mama.