More on Personality Disorders from the SW Thread

Today is a very special day. On this day 51 years ago, Nicholas James Bates arrived on this celestial plane. For this I am grateful, as he would one day change his name to Nick Rhodes and with the help of his best childhood mate, Nigel John Taylor, form Duran Duran.

Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 1:15 PM

How does it feel to live out of the lens of a Personality Disorder? You feel like the prison is inside you, partially and outside of you, partially. You are the victim of it. The word victim expresses the helplessness.

You wish you could tear the suit of iron off you like you would the hands of an assailant whose arms were strangling you but there is no one there. You are alone with the many terrorizing voices but you can't answer them in a way that makes them go away. You may act loud and proud but it is an act and you know it.

Forgive the poor writing but this is how I feel.

Reply

Replies

1. 
   Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 5:50 PM

   I go back to the time when I was strong. It was me, not this weakling, shaking and sweating over the slightest thing. To be strong is my inner voice calling but I waver like someone afraid to go through the yellow light. I am law and order- like. I wait for green and red. That way, there is no room for trouble.
2. 
   Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:02 PM

   I used to love to be weird. Just when someone thought they knew me, I would pull out a quirk. I am still crazy like that but afraid to show it. I wanted to blend in so fucking bad. I even wore blending in clothes like sweater sets. These are the ultimate in blending in clothes especially if you combine them with flats. You can go anywhere and be fine, especially if you can create conversation.
3. 
   Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:11 PM

   I can create conversation but I wonder if people think I am weird. After I leave a place, does one person throws a spitball at another person's ear and before you know it, they have a garrulous conversation about the poor, weirdo who just left.
4. 
   AnonymousMay 5, 2013 at 6:43 PM

   sweater sets, huh? im in
5. 
   Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:47 PM

   I feel so lonely like life is a dance where I push away and people push me away in dance steps that no one can follow. It is like people dancing the Funky Chicken or some other stupid dance the way people did in disco days especially if they wore polyester.
6. 
   Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:49 PM

   One of my boyfriends wore light blue polyester, top and bottom. If he had an erection, you could see it through the material. That is a frigging stupid material.
7. 
   Up From the SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:52 PM

   But all this drivel is really about death. I am afraid to die. It all comes down to that but I like to complicate it.
8. 
   Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 7:15 PM

   I have a conclusion but it is a platitude. I hate when people throw platitudes at you like if someone shoved a Kielbasa down your throat. It is that much of an offense.