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| Like the new thingy? I made it m'self. Well, me and Hieronymus Bosch. |
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| Source. |
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| Source. |
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| Source. |
Friday, June 14, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Wedneday Reflections #16 - 3% Weight Loss, But at What Cost?
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| Jack Handey: I'm bringin' it back. |
. . . ?
That many, huh?
Well, whether or not I've been writing about it, I've been on and off of the OHI bandwagon. Presently, I'm on it and in it to win it. I won't talk about weights or goals or anything since I've decided that sort of thing is detrimental. Instead, I will tell you about my successes.
As you know, last Wednesday I attended the Bariatric Surgery Information Session and came away with a new sense of purpose regarding my own efforts. Here we are, a week later and I still feel good about deciding against surgery. I've been taking the weight loss pills for a solid week as of today and I am down 7 pounds. That's a 3% weight loss. 3% might not sound like much, but I think it's pretty impressive for one week. I know that the weight loss will slow down after a while, but it feels really good to have that kickstart. I am proud to say that I've been tracking my food every day for the past week and I've been very mindful of calories and portion sizes. These are the kinds of changes that I need to be making so that I don't balloon back up to Jumbo Size after I meet my goals.
Today, I am taking a break from the pills to see if the habits are starting to stick. But that's not the only reason . . .
See, everything comes with a price. You gotta pay the piper and all that. With the magic weight loss pills the price has been blinding headaches and the feeling that I am on speed - which is essentially what they are. The way the magic pill works is that it causes your hypothalamus to release extra norepinephrine. That's not so bad, right? Wrong. Norepinephrine is the chemical that sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. Basically, they're little panic pills.
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| Pay what you owe or reap what you sow. Source. |
This is not healthy. This is not sustainable. Something has to give. The "energy boost" we were promised has come, but in a form that it not usable. I began to feel like I was recovering from my sinus issue yesterday. I thought "Hey, I oughtta hit the gym!". That delusion lasted as long as it took for me to get up from the chair, get dizzy, and sit back down. How the hell was I going to work out when STANDING caused me physical exertion.
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| On the bright side, I can look like an extra from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari! Source. |
There have been times when my body has gone into fight-or-flight due to natural causes. This is most often when I've done something I ought not to have, and I find myself in terror of being found out and consumed with shame. (This happened more than I care to remember in my adolescence . . .) During the odd times that this has occurred in my adult life, I've found myself thinking "Gee, wouldn't it be nice to bottle this feeling? I sure don't wanna eat right now." Boy, was I wrong. See, when something sends me into a panic for real, that feeling soon dissipates. The matter is eventually resolved. Fight-or-flight is not supposed to be a sustained state of being. It is not a way of life. Yet, that is what the little pills do to a person.
This is not for me.
Today I have not yet taken the pill. I did some research, and apparently some people have more success with an "on again/off again" regimen. I know that for the first 2 or 3 days, I felt good, and not hungry, but over the weekend I started to feel like hell on toast. So, I'm going to indulge my inner mad scientist (Captain Tesla, you knew there was a reason you loved me!). I'm going to start experimenting with the dosage until I find something that works for me. I cannot carry on as I had been. If I do, I might wind up in court on assault charges.
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| Alas, I will never be a speed freak. So much for my street cred. |
Thursday, I saw my psychiatrist. That was good. I pretty much love him. No changes to my meds, and I don't see him again for 3 months. After that, I spent the whole rainy day shopping with That Cunt in Savannah. Despite having zero dollars, I had a lot of fun. Hopefully we will do it again sometime soon. I also spoke to Captain Tesla which is always a good thing and I saw my therapist.
Friday, the only thing I remember doing is reading Julie Anne Rhodes' blog and crying. In the afternoon, I went to see a friend. This is good. I am still on top of my June goal (even though goals are the devil).
Saturday, j^C had to work. That Sprout and I stayed home for most of the day nursing our respective colds and celebrated Nick Rhodes' birthday with strawberries, dark chocolate, and Duran Duran. After nap time, That Sprout and I went to visit j^C at work. We fed some turtles and had Cold Stone. I am proud to say that I only had a couple of bites of j^C's. Progress! Also, insomnia. Yuck
Sunday, we all hung out at home. I felt headachey and tired so I didn't want to do much of anything. Meanwhile, j^C was tired from working all night. Most of the day involved dinosaurs of some kind or another. That afternoon, I cooked some Paleo-ish Italian Sauce for dinner.
Monday, was a bust, although I don't remember why. Oh yeah! The clothes thing! Also, I had my first meeting with my new non-fiction summer writing group. Although I was still feeling as though Athena was knocking on the inside of my skull, I had a good time. I think that this group will provide a great outlet for all of us, and it will give me the direction and motivation I need in my writing. Writing . . . yeah . . . I need to get on that.
Tuesday, was a total bust. Head pounding, panic filled, unproductive, bust. I did NOTHING. Literally. In the true meaning of the word, even. After we picked up That Sprout from school we all took a trip to the local Wal-Mart to buy her some water shoes and "candy" for school today. That was a lot more trouble than it should have been, and I was so frazzled that spending times with the unwashed masses was not what I needed. There were several (SEVERAL!) times when I wanted to either cuss someone out or physically accost them because of their rudeness or their general presence. Seriously, must you scream to be heard when you are walking in a small group? Must you wear a fake handlebar mustache? Must you leave your child in a cart that is blocking the aisle and then spirit yourself away so that neither your child nor anyone else of import might know where you are? These are the things that trouble me.
Today! has not yet begun for me. I hope to make it to the gym for a swim. I hope to get some work done on my classes and my writing. I hope to win a million dollars. Let's see how all that works out, shall we?
Monday, June 10, 2013
The (Very Short) Story of My Life
Dear Friends and Gentle Readers,
The following is a thing that happened to me recently, and I decided to write a humorous essay about it. This is a first draft. Hopefully, you will be seeing this piece again as you follow me through the revision process. For now, please enjoy this (as yet unconcluded) story of my vast idiocy and ineptitude at domesticity.
-Uranium J
(Everything Counts) In Large Amounts
A load of my husband’s PT clothes
were soaking in the washing machine. I tossed in a pair of my daughter’s
underwear from school. She is potty training and had had an accident. While
there was no solid poop, there was residue. The lid was open. My sinuses were
not. I was very ill all week and forgot about it.
On Saturday, I could smell and the odor of poop filled the house. I washed the clothes. They smelled. I dried them, thinking heat would kill the odor. It did not. I repeated the process. The next day I pulled them out of the dryer. The smelled. I washed them again. Mind you, through the other 2 washing I had used all of my vinegar and baking soda. They were still smelly.
On Saturday, I could smell and the odor of poop filled the house. I washed the clothes. They smelled. I dried them, thinking heat would kill the odor. It did not. I repeated the process. The next day I pulled them out of the dryer. The smelled. I washed them again. Mind you, through the other 2 washing I had used all of my vinegar and baking soda. They were still smelly.
I was running out of options. I was
desperate. The internet said the smell was from live bacteria. What kills
bacteria? Alcohol! So, I poured a whole bottle in the washer and filled it up
to soak. Then I remembered: alcohol is flammable. But there’s no heat in a
washer, and anyway, there’s water. What’s the worst that could happen?
Apparently, just fire and explosion. So now I was faced with the arduous task of pulling out the washer and draining the tub manually, all the while hoping that whatever residue remained didn’t blow the sides out of my house the next time I did laundry. Meanwhile, I had no idea how I was going to get all the alcohol out of the clothes and whether or not I had succeeded in deodorizing them.
Apparently, just fire and explosion. So now I was faced with the arduous task of pulling out the washer and draining the tub manually, all the while hoping that whatever residue remained didn’t blow the sides out of my house the next time I did laundry. Meanwhile, I had no idea how I was going to get all the alcohol out of the clothes and whether or not I had succeeded in deodorizing them.
The next day, I decided to take my chances and I ran the washing machine through the rinse and spin cycles. Nothing exploded, crisis was averted. The clothes were still smelly. The time had come for more drastic actions. I went to the store in search of something to rid these clothes of their stink. I had visions of myself with green kitchen gloves up to my elbows, wide eyes, and frazzled hair pouring various sundry chemicals into the machine and laughing like a mad woman.
"More vinegar! More baking soda! Cornstarch! Table salt! Borax!"
I would get the clothes clean or die trying.
"More vinegar! More baking soda! Cornstarch! Table salt! Borax!"
I would get the clothes clean or die trying.
Thankfully, it did not come to that. In the laundry aisle I found a bottle of Febreeze laundry deodorizor for $9.95. I was skeptical, but it came with a money back guarantee so I bought the stuff and headed home to do battle once again. I filled the washer and then added two caps of the Febreeze.
Then, I waited.
I figured it would be worthwhile to let the stuff sit awhile and work it's magic. Several hours later I closed the lid and let the machine run through another cycle. Pensive, I waiting for the load to finish. I was certain that it would fail. I began searching online for industrial strength laundry chemicals. I lit a candle. I prayed.
Then, I waited.
I figured it would be worthwhile to let the stuff sit awhile and work it's magic. Several hours later I closed the lid and let the machine run through another cycle. Pensive, I waiting for the load to finish. I was certain that it would fail. I began searching online for industrial strength laundry chemicals. I lit a candle. I prayed.
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| Thankfully, this was not my fate. Source. |
More on Personality Disorders from the SW Thread
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Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 5:50 PMI go back to the time when I was strong. It was me, not this weakling, shaking and sweating over the slightest thing. To be strong is my inner voice calling but I waver like someone afraid to go through the yellow light. I am law and order- like. I wait for green and red. That way, there is no room for trouble.
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Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:02 PMI used to love to be weird. Just when someone thought they knew me, I would pull out a quirk. I am still crazy like that but afraid to show it. I wanted to blend in so fucking bad. I even wore blending in clothes like sweater sets. These are the ultimate in blending in clothes especially if you combine them with flats. You can go anywhere and be fine, especially if you can create conversation.
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Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:11 PMI can create conversation but I wonder if people think I am weird. After I leave a place, does one person throws a spitball at another person's ear and before you know it, they have a garrulous conversation about the poor, weirdo who just left.
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AnonymousMay 5, 2013 at 6:43 PMsweater sets, huh? im in
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Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:47 PMI feel so lonely like life is a dance where I push away and people push me away in dance steps that no one can follow. It is like people dancing the Funky Chicken or some other stupid dance the way people did in disco days especially if they wore polyester.
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Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:49 PMOne of my boyfriends wore light blue polyester, top and bottom. If he had an erection, you could see it through the material. That is a frigging stupid material.
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Up From the SofaMay 5, 2013 at 6:52 PMBut all this drivel is really about death. I am afraid to die. It all comes down to that but I like to complicate it.
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Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 7:15 PMI have a conclusion but it is a platitude. I hate when people throw platitudes at you like if someone shoved a Kielbasa down your throat. It is that much of an offense.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Waiting for Athena
Oh. My. God.
I think I'm dying.
I don't know if it's the ever present sinus issues or if it has something to do with the weight-loss pills, but I've been having these splitting headaches and they do not stop. It feels like Athena is going to burst forth from the top of my skull any minute now. I was thinking it could be hypoglycemia at first - not eating much and being pre-diabetic will do that to a person, but if that were the case eating would solve the problem. It does not. Takes the joy right out of decadent pleasures like strawberries and dark chocolate.
Then I thought it could be dehydration. I've read that to avoid dehydration headaches the pills require 100+ ounces of water every day. That has not been happening, so today I plan to drastically increase my water intake in hopes that it helps.
I cannot tell you how tired I am of feeling like dirt. It's really getting old. Odds are that this headache has something to do with the sinus issues which are ever present and ever changing. I finished the Z-Pac last night, so the headaches should soon vanish. The bright yellow mucus I've been blowing from my nose all morning indicates that something's working. But then there's this other thing . . .
Lately I've become convinced that I am leaking spinal or cerebral fluid out of my nose. Ever since my ears started to drain, I've been having this really watery, gross smelling discharge. It could just be the ear infection breaking up, or it could be spontaneous cerbrospinal fluid leak. Yay. You think I'm overreacting, but it's a real thing and it could be a real problem for me, having had meningitis, a spinal tap, and an epidural. One of the hallmark symptoms is a crazy bad headache. Hopefully, it's just sinuses.
Meanwhile, whatever it is - and whatever's causing my headache - needs to GO AWAY.
I think I'm dying.
I don't know if it's the ever present sinus issues or if it has something to do with the weight-loss pills, but I've been having these splitting headaches and they do not stop. It feels like Athena is going to burst forth from the top of my skull any minute now. I was thinking it could be hypoglycemia at first - not eating much and being pre-diabetic will do that to a person, but if that were the case eating would solve the problem. It does not. Takes the joy right out of decadent pleasures like strawberries and dark chocolate.
Then I thought it could be dehydration. I've read that to avoid dehydration headaches the pills require 100+ ounces of water every day. That has not been happening, so today I plan to drastically increase my water intake in hopes that it helps.
I cannot tell you how tired I am of feeling like dirt. It's really getting old. Odds are that this headache has something to do with the sinus issues which are ever present and ever changing. I finished the Z-Pac last night, so the headaches should soon vanish. The bright yellow mucus I've been blowing from my nose all morning indicates that something's working. But then there's this other thing . . .
Lately I've become convinced that I am leaking spinal or cerebral fluid out of my nose. Ever since my ears started to drain, I've been having this really watery, gross smelling discharge. It could just be the ear infection breaking up, or it could be spontaneous cerbrospinal fluid leak. Yay. You think I'm overreacting, but it's a real thing and it could be a real problem for me, having had meningitis, a spinal tap, and an epidural. One of the hallmark symptoms is a crazy bad headache. Hopefully, it's just sinuses.
Meanwhile, whatever it is - and whatever's causing my headache - needs to GO AWAY.
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| Or maybe I'm about to birth a goddess. The stuff draining from my shnozz isn't spinal fluid - it's my water breaking. Source. |
Now, About the Ballet
As promised, I will now tell you about my whirlwind trip to Gainesville and back to see Captain Tesla in the ballet.
I left Richmond Hill at around 1 pm Friday afternoon and drove straight to Gainesville. It took around 3 1/2 hours, which is of no importance, other than the fact that I was very early and it was very cold in Florida. I was adequately prepared clothing-wise, so I had to entertain myself and keep warm until 7:30. The show didn't start until 8, but I wanted to be sure to connect with "B", Captain Tesla's boyfriend, who was in possession of my
I left Richmond Hill at around 1 pm Friday afternoon and drove straight to Gainesville. It took around 3 1/2 hours, which is of no importance, other than the fact that I was very early and it was very cold in Florida. I was adequately prepared clothing-wise, so I had to entertain myself and keep warm until 7:30. The show didn't start until 8, but I wanted to be sure to connect with "B", Captain Tesla's boyfriend, who was in possession of my
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Happy 51st Birthday Mr. Rhodes!
Today is a very special day. On this day 51 years ago, Nicholas James Bates arrived on this celestial plane. For this I am grateful, as he would one day change his name to Nick Rhodes and with the help of his best childhood mate, Nigel John Taylor, form Duran Duran.
I have loved Duran Duran since before I was really aware of what a band was. I was hooked from the first time I heard "Ordinary World" on the radio in 1992. I was 7. When I was 11, I bought my first Duran Duran album (Decade, in case you are wondering), and at 12 my introduction to the internet was also my introduction to the band members themselves. I was immediately taken with Nick, probably because he looked an awful lot like this guy at school named Robert Fryer with whom I was enamored. Robert was off to college that summer, so my 12 year old heart fell in love with Nick Rhodes and never looked back.
While my interest in him at 12 was purely a physical one (he was the hottest guy in the band, duh!), my appreciation of Nick Rhodes the man has outshone my teenage lusting over the years. I see him now as a whole person. The Nick Rhodes to whom I am devoted at 27 is a mountain of talent packed into a slight and aesthetically pleasing frame. His is a 21st Century Renaissance Man - a father, musician, photographer, producer, fashionista, philosopher, art collector, lover, writer, and friend (just not my friend). He is also incredibly human and not without personal fault. Although he and ex-wife Julie Anne are now on pleasant terms, his divorce was less than amicable. He is a workaholic, often at the expense of his family and friends. He isn't perfect and that kind of makes me appreciate him and his body of work even more at this stage in my life.
Since around the time I bought my first Duran Duran album I have had precious little predictability in my life. I have a handful of friends who have remained constant and loyal, but none of them have been in my life as long as this band. How appropriate that the band I should gravitate toward would be one that has NEVER broken up. They've had a somewhat revolving lineup over the years, but they've never thrown in the towel. Through all sorts of changes, moves, relationships, and various sundry life upheavals, there has always been the music. In my happiest times and in my very lowest, there has always been the music. Consistency. And how appropriate the the member I should gravitate toward is the ONLY member to have been present at every stage of the band, from the beginning. Nick Rhodes, Stephen Duffy, and John Taylor founded the band in 1978. Duffy left before they even got off the ground. Simon LeBon replaced him and has been a constant ever since, but he wasn't really there at the very beginning, was he? As for John Taylor, he dipped out for about 10 years to address his coke habit. But Nick - for 35 years - has been a Duran. I think that's awesome, and I need someone like that in my life - even if they are a celebrity and I am just a fan.
But there's so much more to it than fandom and consistency. While every member definitely brings something to the table (Warren Cuccurullo - I am looking at you!), Nick's style really seems to shine through. His interests wind up in song lyrics ("The Man Who Stole A Leopard"), his tastes wind up on album covers, and his role in the band - synth player - is what gives them their signature sound. He is the grounding force. Without Nick Rhodes, there would be no band, and without the band, I might not be who I am. I first learned about Lou Reed because Duran Duran covered The Velvet Underground's "Femme Fatale" and later, Lou's "Perfect Day". I doubt this was chance - Nick was best pals with Andy Warhol, founder of The Velvet Underground. My attraction to beat literature (which I later rejected, but still) was a result of learning "Wild Boys" was inspired by William S. Burroughs' book of the same name. So many of my interests can be traced back to Duran Duran - it's kind of a big deal. They expanded my mind and broadened my horizons. Listening to them I knew that there was more to life than my double-wide trailer at the end of a dirt road in Crescent City, Florida. Their music shaped who I am. They are still relevant today, and although they often point out that which is wrong with our culture ("Sin of the City", "Other People's Lives", "Networker Nation", and the whole of Red Carpet Massacre come to mind) they have never ceased to give me hope. All that I have become started with Duran Duran and all that is Duran Duran started with Nick Rhodes.
This love affair may have began with my late 90s obsession with bleached hair and androgeny, but it wound up being about so much more. Every day, but especially today, I give thanks for all that he is and everything he has so generously given me in return for my adoration and purchasing power.
I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't that Duranie who hated Madeleine Farley and several of his girlfriends thereafter. I was. I was 12, and like Lewis Black "deep, deep in my chest, beat[s] the heart, of a 12 year old girl" to this day. I love Duran Duran and Nick Rhodes in particular more than most things. My family and friends are the top of the list, but my boys are a solid #3. Also like Lewis Black, "rock and roll is like a religion to me" and Duran Duran are part of the Holy Trinity. As such, I worship respectfully and at a distance. There are nights where I dream about hanging out with the band. In these dreams Nick and I usually wind up alone having some sort of deep conversation or doing something both exciting and mundane - something that friends do. These dreams are nice, but I know them for what they are: fantasies. While I believe that the members of Duran Duran, past and present (with the exception of Andy Taylor) are kind, gracious, and generally wonderful people, I do not think for a moment that I would ever wind up having a heart to heart with any of them - or any other celebrity for that matter. That's not the way these things work.
I don't presume to think that they owe me any face time. They owe me nothing. Honestly, I probably owe them a debt that I could never begin to repay. They've given me so much more than music. How could I presume to think I am entitled to more than that? I bring this up because in researching some things for this post I found THIS and THIS. I truly wonder how people can get to that state of mind - especially with regard to Nick. It's maddening. Personally, I hope that unlike Lewis Black I never get to meet the objects of my affection and idolatry because it will not be able to keep from embarrassing myself. If a Duran Duran cake can make me squeal and almost cry - if seeing the band walk on stage from the nosebleed section can cause me to involuntarily spring from my seat and scream at the top of my lungs - if merely thinking of them can make me smile in spite of myself - well, a meeting would probably send me into cardiac arrest. I would literally die. That's not a good look.
So, I must content myself with being a loyal and mostly sane fan. I hope that his day is filled with friends, family, and all manner of fine things and I wish Nick great happiness and prosperity in the coming year. So far 2013 has been pretty good to him: TV Mania, his side project with former Duran Duran guitarist Warren Cuccurullo was finally released, he had an exhibition of his photography, he's got a pretty awesome lady in his life, and he's back in the studio working on the band's 14th album. Today, I will eat strawberries (his favorite!) and dark chocolate (to symbolize decadence) while listening to 35 years worth of sonic perfection and being thankful that he and the band are still going strong. May Nick Rhodes and Duran Duran live long and prosper. Happy Birthday you lovely man, and thank you for being you!
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| The birthday boy. Source. |
While my interest in him at 12 was purely a physical one (he was the hottest guy in the band, duh!), my appreciation of Nick Rhodes the man has outshone my teenage lusting over the years. I see him now as a whole person. The Nick Rhodes to whom I am devoted at 27 is a mountain of talent packed into a slight and aesthetically pleasing frame. His is a 21st Century Renaissance Man - a father, musician, photographer, producer, fashionista, philosopher, art collector, lover, writer, and friend (just not my friend). He is also incredibly human and not without personal fault. Although he and ex-wife Julie Anne are now on pleasant terms, his divorce was less than amicable. He is a workaholic, often at the expense of his family and friends. He isn't perfect and that kind of makes me appreciate him and his body of work even more at this stage in my life.
 |
| But's he's close to perfect. That smile! Nick and Simon in 1992. Source. |
But there's so much more to it than fandom and consistency. While every member definitely brings something to the table (Warren Cuccurullo - I am looking at you!), Nick's style really seems to shine through. His interests wind up in song lyrics ("The Man Who Stole A Leopard"), his tastes wind up on album covers, and his role in the band - synth player - is what gives them their signature sound. He is the grounding force. Without Nick Rhodes, there would be no band, and without the band, I might not be who I am. I first learned about Lou Reed because Duran Duran covered The Velvet Underground's "Femme Fatale" and later, Lou's "Perfect Day". I doubt this was chance - Nick was best pals with Andy Warhol, founder of The Velvet Underground. My attraction to beat literature (which I later rejected, but still) was a result of learning "Wild Boys" was inspired by William S. Burroughs' book of the same name. So many of my interests can be traced back to Duran Duran - it's kind of a big deal. They expanded my mind and broadened my horizons. Listening to them I knew that there was more to life than my double-wide trailer at the end of a dirt road in Crescent City, Florida. Their music shaped who I am. They are still relevant today, and although they often point out that which is wrong with our culture ("Sin of the City", "Other People's Lives", "Networker Nation", and the whole of Red Carpet Massacre come to mind) they have never ceased to give me hope. All that I have become started with Duran Duran and all that is Duran Duran started with Nick Rhodes.
This love affair may have began with my late 90s obsession with bleached hair and androgeny, but it wound up being about so much more. Every day, but especially today, I give thanks for all that he is and everything he has so generously given me in return for my adoration and purchasing power.
 |
| Throwbacks! Love how you guys are acting like this picture isn't from sometime between 1994 and 1999. Awesome hair. Source. |
I don't presume to think that they owe me any face time. They owe me nothing. Honestly, I probably owe them a debt that I could never begin to repay. They've given me so much more than music. How could I presume to think I am entitled to more than that? I bring this up because in researching some things for this post I found THIS and THIS. I truly wonder how people can get to that state of mind - especially with regard to Nick. It's maddening. Personally, I hope that unlike Lewis Black I never get to meet the objects of my affection and idolatry because it will not be able to keep from embarrassing myself. If a Duran Duran cake can make me squeal and almost cry - if seeing the band walk on stage from the nosebleed section can cause me to involuntarily spring from my seat and scream at the top of my lungs - if merely thinking of them can make me smile in spite of myself - well, a meeting would probably send me into cardiac arrest. I would literally die. That's not a good look.
So, I must content myself with being a loyal and mostly sane fan. I hope that his day is filled with friends, family, and all manner of fine things and I wish Nick great happiness and prosperity in the coming year. So far 2013 has been pretty good to him: TV Mania, his side project with former Duran Duran guitarist Warren Cuccurullo was finally released, he had an exhibition of his photography, he's got a pretty awesome lady in his life, and he's back in the studio working on the band's 14th album. Today, I will eat strawberries (his favorite!) and dark chocolate (to symbolize decadence) while listening to 35 years worth of sonic perfection and being thankful that he and the band are still going strong. May Nick Rhodes and Duran Duran live long and prosper. Happy Birthday you lovely man, and thank you for being you!
 |
| A more recent photo of Warren, Nefer Suvio, and Nick. Source. |
Links I Love
http://glutenfreegirl.com/on-why-i-am-so-happy-now/#comment-117613
http://jezebel.com/5978764/ten-reasons-why-its-not-pathetic-for-a-grown-woman-to-go-see-nkotb?post=56601089
http://digitalis.nwp.org/site-blog/upstanders-not-bystanders/4698
http://www.sarahvonbargen.com/uncategorized/business-planning-made-simple/
http://amy-estes.com/write/sunb/
http://jezebel.com/5978764/ten-reasons-why-its-not-pathetic-for-a-grown-woman-to-go-see-nkotb?post=56601089
http://digitalis.nwp.org/site-blog/upstanders-not-bystanders/4698
http://www.sarahvonbargen.com/uncategorized/business-planning-made-simple/
http://amy-estes.com/write/sunb/
Friday, June 7, 2013
Discussion: "Friday I'm in Love" with Bipolar Disorder
First things first: Can I just say that my inner fan girl is more than a little crushed about Nick Rhodes' new girlfriend? Nefer Suvio is stunning and Nick is a man of impeccable taste - of that we are certain. I'm just a little miffed that she's kind of a nobody. He's supposed to date supermodels and shit! I could be Nefer Suvio, and if I am being honest, my whole issue stems from that fact that I am not. Nor shall I ever be. I am beautiful, but not in that leggy and exotic way. Alas. At least I still have my fandom. Anyway, back to the task.
Today's Friday and our Free For All is going to be a little new. I'm going to share my ideas about The Cure's "Friday I'm in Love". I don't have a whole lot to say, so when I'm done, you guys can comment and we'll discuss. This will work best when everyone participates. Ready? OK!
Maybe it's not doing a lot of great things for my tendency toward depression, but God do I ever love New Wave. Seriously, I think I have a problem. While I have about 30 Pandora stations, the only one I ever seem to listen to is my The Cure station. It has everything.
Depeche Mode? Check.
Morrissey? Check.
Echo and the Bunnymen? Check.
The Church? Check.
Duran Duran? Check!
The Smiths? Check?
The Psychadelic Furs? Check.
The Violent Femmes? Check.
Lots of moody bands, all day everyday, and all I had to do was type "The Cure". However. Maybe it's the luck of the draw, but I have yet to hear my all time favorite Cure song on there: "Friday I'm In Love". Maybe it sounds too happy to be up in amongst all that dark and broody-ness which is really too bad as it's a trick song.
That got your attention, huh?
I love a trick song. My favorite one is Lou Reed's "Who Loves the Sun". What makes a song tricky, you ask? One tiny little thing: the lyrics and the music contradict one another. "Who Loves the Sun" is a great example of this - the music is all pop sounding and upbeat, meanwhile, the lyrics are sad, whiny, emo, and downright depressing. "Who loves the sun? Who cares that it makes plants grow? Who cares what it does since you broke my heart?" Sounds like it oughtta be a blues song - Billie Holiday should sing it. But no, it's this chipper, chirpy song with lots of catchy "ba ba ba ba ba"s going on.
So too, is "Friday I'm in Love". It's this upbeat pop song with catchy lyrics - but wait - what Robert Smith actually saying? Let's examine the text, shall we?
First Verse:
I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday I'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love
Then the bridge:
Saturday wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitate
Today's Friday and our Free For All is going to be a little new. I'm going to share my ideas about The Cure's "Friday I'm in Love". I don't have a whole lot to say, so when I'm done, you guys can comment and we'll discuss. This will work best when everyone participates. Ready? OK!
Maybe it's not doing a lot of great things for my tendency toward depression, but God do I ever love New Wave. Seriously, I think I have a problem. While I have about 30 Pandora stations, the only one I ever seem to listen to is my The Cure station. It has everything.
Depeche Mode? Check.
Morrissey? Check.
Echo and the Bunnymen? Check.
The Church? Check.
Duran Duran? Check!
The Smiths? Check?
The Psychadelic Furs? Check.
The Violent Femmes? Check.
Lots of moody bands, all day everyday, and all I had to do was type "The Cure". However. Maybe it's the luck of the draw, but I have yet to hear my all time favorite Cure song on there: "Friday I'm In Love". Maybe it sounds too happy to be up in amongst all that dark and broody-ness which is really too bad as it's a trick song.
That got your attention, huh?
I love a trick song. My favorite one is Lou Reed's "Who Loves the Sun". What makes a song tricky, you ask? One tiny little thing: the lyrics and the music contradict one another. "Who Loves the Sun" is a great example of this - the music is all pop sounding and upbeat, meanwhile, the lyrics are sad, whiny, emo, and downright depressing. "Who loves the sun? Who cares that it makes plants grow? Who cares what it does since you broke my heart?" Sounds like it oughtta be a blues song - Billie Holiday should sing it. But no, it's this chipper, chirpy song with lots of catchy "ba ba ba ba ba"s going on.
So too, is "Friday I'm in Love". It's this upbeat pop song with catchy lyrics - but wait - what Robert Smith actually saying? Let's examine the text, shall we?
First Verse:
I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday I'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love
Then the bridge:
Saturday wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday never hesitate
Thursday, June 6, 2013
"I Love Things!" Thursdays - In No Particular Order
I have nothing pithy to say. It's Thursday. I'm still sick. I had a really hard time thinking of what to write. But I did it. I'm going to bed. You can read:
1. The Twilight Zone
 |
| Rod Serling, what a mensch! Source. |
2. Collard Greens
 |
| A little grassy, but still tasty and full of nutrients. Source. |
3. Deep Speaks
 |
| We are such a classy NPO. Source. |
4. David Bowie - "That's Motivation"
Why? Because I need some motivation right now, in light of my ongoing illness, and by George, this is a motivating song. The message - not so savory - but all too true, even today. If you aren't hip, this is a scene from the film Absolute Beginners, based on the book of the same name by Colin MacInnes. It's all about the genesis of the "teenager" in post WWII London. A good book, and a good movie by Julien Temple, a good director. He would later direct two music videos for Duran Duran which makes him OK in my book. That's not important though. Let's just enjoy David Bowie for all that David Bowie is. "That's motivation!"
5. This Color Scheme
 |
| I think that my entire fashion sense is in way or another informed by Duran Duran. It might be a problem. Source. |
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Wednesday Reflections #15
WARNING! This post is 3,840 words long. I had a lot on my mind this week. Also, no pictures. Proceed with caution.
On Wednesday of last week I took That Sprout to the beach at St. Simon's Island. She begged to go, and as I don't work I figured that it was important to spend these moments with her. Also, it was a beautiful day. I am impressed that even as I write this on the 5th day of June it has yet to get hot. It's only a matter of time. That Sprout had so much fun splashing in the surf and playing in the sand that she didn't want to leave, but after almost four hours, I was done. Well done, actually. Despite my liberal use of sunscreen I got pretty sunburned. On my legs! What the hell? Diet-wise, it was not a good day. I had Dunkin' Donuts and Wendy's. No Beuno. After fighting me hard to stay at the beach, That Sprout succumbed to her exhaustion and took a nice long nap on the way home. I had hoped that she would stay asleep long enough for me to take a shower. That didn't happen, but she did lay docile in my bed watching Barney while I got all the salt and sand off, so that was just as good. In the shower I found that I was not off my period as I had previously thought. In essence I was Shark Bait and didn't know it. Ick. After my shower, That Sprout and I snuggled on the couch and played with dinosaurs while watching a BBC documentary on: Dinosaurs. Narrated by none other than Kenneth Branagh, no less. That Sprout seemed to really enjoy it. I am very glad that I let her play hookie. I think we needed some Mommy/Sprout time. After a bath wherein she informed me that cows go "Moo!", ducks go "Quack!", chickens go "Bock!" and Mommies go "Cry!", we cuddled up together and I read her Beowulf. This was sort of successful. She understands that there's a monster and he doesn't like the king, so he's squashing the king's castle. Not bad, right? After that, she went to bed, and so did I. j^C had to work all night, and while I would have liked to have done some work on my Teacher Ready stuff, I was exhausted.
On Thursday I woke up tired and with more sinus issues. I thought the beach had cured it, but I was sorely mistaken. Also, I didn't get much sleep. I spent the whole day in bed watching The Twilight Zone, except for lunch at La Napolera (Huevos con Chorizo!) and my therapy appointment. On the way to my appointment, I stopped at Foxy Loxy for an iced Mexican Mocha. Those should not come over ice. From now on, I will drink them hot or not at all.
Friday morning began with That Sprout and I feeding mini Ritz crackers to the baby duckies in the yard. We were a little late for school, but BABY DUCKIES! Some things are just more important. After dropping her off at school, I took myself to breakfast at Waffle House and ate a hearty meal while working on some notes for a writing project I hope to start next month. It's called "Why Are You My Friend?" and it's going to be a compilation of stories about my friends and why I don't deserve them sometimes. Nothing heavy, more funny stuff - like the time I colored most of my face with a Sharpie marker. I know that Waffle House isn't the best thing to eat, but I convinced myself that with my continuing sinus issues I deserved an indulgent breakfast. This kind of thinking is why we have an obesity epidemic, people. When I got home the first thing I did was watch the latest episode of Hannibal. If you haven't seen it and you are a Dead Like Me fan, then you need to go now. It was very cheeky, if not a bit graphic with the gore. Herschell Gordon Lewis is smiling down on NBC even as we speak. After Hannibal, I did a fair bit of research on why my 2.5 year old suddenly doesn't want to sleep in her room. It could be nightmares, so the internet told me. In order to combat this problem, I spent extra cuddle and reading time with That Sprout before bed, and I sent her off to dreamland with "Anti-Monster Spray" to keep her safe. It sort of worked, but we are still having bedtime issues almost a week later. Hopefully this passes because I feel like the worst parent ever when I hear her wailing for "Mommy!" after sending her to bed.
That afternoon when I picked up That Sprout from school, I learned that she had had a pretty rough day. She got bitten and scratched. So, I took her to get an ice cream cone before dinner. This turned out to be a big mistake. Little did I know that there was a fundraiser going on. There were tons of kids and two bouncy houses. Of course, That Sprout did not want to leave, which would have been fine if I weren't still suffering with the never-ending sinus issue. I told her that if she went home and ate a good dinner, we could come back, hoping that daddy would take her and I could sit around waiting to die. Eventually, I picked her up like a sack of potatoes and carried her to the car. This did not go over well. When we got home, she did not eat a good dinner and she kept whining to go back to "the castle". j^C brought pizza home for dinner, so her not eating was just stubbornness. She loves pizza. Everyone loves pizza. However, I am proud to say that I ate a Grilled Chicken Salad instead. I love the grill at the Ft. Stewart Bowling Alley - they are the only place that has good pizza and good salads. Hopefully, if we continue the tradition of "Pizza Night", I will continue with the Chicken Salads. If I use oil and vinegar they are pretty darn healthy and I swear I'm really trying to be in control of my intake at this point. (More on that in a moment.) Anyway, I held firm to the bargain. No dinner, no castle. Instead, we watched Dinosaurs, read books, and went to bed. As I said, that was a hassle, but I think that the "Anti-Monster Spray" helped. After that, I worked on the blog while watching The Twilight Zone until I was ready to sleep.
On Saturday, That Sprout woke up talking about "the castle". I woke up feeling like hell on toast so j^C took That Sprout on an excursion to Wal-Mart and to another local bouncy house while I stayed in bed. I didn't want to eat anything and try as I might, I couldn't sleep. I just laid in bed listening to Pandora, wishing in vain for health. After j^C and That Sprout got home it was time for her nap. That went poorly, but eventually we got her into bed and asleep. I decided to go to the store, but instead I went to Plum's and had 1/2 patty melt, cherry coke, & fries. I figured that I would shop better on a full stomach. Instead, eating just made me feel sick, so I came home and made Ground Turkey Curry and Thai Green Beans with what I had in the fridge. Is curry better with more veggies? Yes. Was I interested in going to buy those veggies? Hell no. After dinner I was still sick. Felt like death. Went to bed early.
I tried to stay in bed on Sunday, but j^C convinced me that a family outing was a good idea. So, I got up and took a shower while listening to REM Pandora. I could have stayed in the shower all day. Instead, we all got dressed and headed to Monkey Joe's, but as we arrived at 11 it was not yet open. So, our Family Trip moved to Barnes and Noble. That Sprout had fun playing with the train set in the Children's section while j^C and I took turns browsing. Thankfully, my sinuses felt better but my head was in a fog. I felt like I was going through motions. I didn't see too many things in the store that caught my eye. I looked for a copy of Trilby by George du Maurier. Seriously, they had like 7 different novels by Daphne du Maurier and not one blessed thing by her gramps? The injustice! Meanwhile, I did see that David Sedaris published a new set of essays. While I would love to add it to my Sedaris Library, I am not shelling out $27 for the hardback copy. Hopefully it will be in paperback by Christmas. That's a hint for anyone out there feeling generous. I also saw a stack of Confessions of a Sociopath and I was giddy. I picked on up to show j^C saying "This is so cool! I know the person who wrote this book!" That's sort of true, anyways. We have corresponded via email. Regardless, it makes me happy to see anyone in my personal universe find success and fame. I also tend to treat people like they are famous, even if they aren't. If I read your blog, to me, you are famous. Have a PhD? Famous. Were in a ballet? Famous. Run races? Famous. Live in someplace I wish I lived? Famous. Interviewed on the local news? Famous. In the newspaper? Famous. (By that logic, everyone is famous when they are born and when they die.) In my brain, Captain Tesla and Mojo Jojo are the most famous people I know, closely followed by the bloggers I correspond with and Michael Gira. I think this is a good thing. People say we shouldn't treat celebrities any differently from normal people. Whatever. I think we should just treat everyone like celebrities because most everyone has something that makes them awesome. I digress: Sunday. After B&N, we were hungry, yet I was feeling sort of nauseous. j^C was craving Chinese so we hit up the local Chinese Buffet for lunch. I didn't eat much, which was kind of a waste considering the fact that Sunday lunch costs $11 a plate. Ugh. Afterward, I let j^C drive home because I wanted to inspect the water leaking into the floorboard. I thought it might have something to do with the AC and I hoped that it would resolve itself. At home, I listened to Pandora in bed then watched Duran Duran videos. I need more Duran Duran in my life. Much the happy. Especially 1990-2000 era Duran Duran. While the 90s might have had a lot of questionable music and fashion, this did not effect my boys. They never looked better, and in ways, they never sounded better. I keep praying for Warren Cuccurrullo to return. He brought such great things to the band. Alas, I shall have to make do with TV Mania and hope that Nick can persuade him to come back. j^C conspicuously accommodating and affectionate. Interesting.
On Monday, I felt like crap. I did next to nothing. I talked to Mojo Jojo, Xsty, and Captain Tesla which may not have been the most productive use of my time, but it did put me on the road to achieving my unofficial June Goal of "more friends". See, back in January, I thought I was going to work my way through Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project month by month. That just didn't happen. But! I happened across my copy of this tome last week and decided to take a note from The FlyLady and "Start Where You Are". So, I read the June chapter and I took away 2 things. #1: "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good" and #2: "More friends = more happiness". Now, I am truly blessed in the friends department. I have more wonderful people in my life than I deserve - the trouble is that I get very anxious when I have let communication drop off. It gets the better of me, and I don't tend to re-establish contact. This is where #1 comes in. I have to just do what I can to maintain contact. If that means short emails and facebooking, that's okay. I've learned recently that in building relationships, quantity outweighs quality. Since I have a dearth of quality friends, I don't think I'm going to go making any new ones (the book suggests making 3 new friends in June); instead I am going to focus on re-establishing and maintaining relationships with the ones I already have. I am currently trying to figure out how to make it to Pensacola to see Captain Tesla and how to get to Asheville to see Xsty. Meanwhile, I spent some time with my old co-teacher That Cunt before Deep Speaks at Starbucks. Deep Speaks, the book release event for our Spring Semester was AWESOME! I am so lucky to be able to work with so many amazing women! I am also incredibly lucky to be able to help Savannah's middle school students find their voices. Two of my former students read, and I promise you, me and That Cunt were their biggest cheerleaders. I am so very proud of all that these kids have accomplished, and while I know they learned a lot from me and my co-teachers, I hope they know how much I learned from all of them. Seriously, if you aren't volunteering with some kind of NPO, then you need to look into it. It's kind of the best thing ever. After Deep Speaks, I came home and went to sleep, but not before discovering that the water issue in my car had become critical. The car smelled TERRIBLE and I could hear water sloshing back and forth under the dash when I made sharp turns. No Beuno.
On Tuesday, I cleaned out car in the AM after dropping That Sprout at School. I was very worried about her. She's very attached to Mommy right now, does not want to go to school, and is still having bedtime issues. I am trying to put it out of my mind, even now, because I know that going to school is good for her. She's learning a lot - not just songs and ABCs, but all those important social things that you can't learn by staying home with Mommy. Still, I see a lot of myself in her. She's not the nebbish creature I was, but she is very sensitive. I just hope that continuing to go to school allows her to find her voice and her confidence while preserving her kind and sensitive nature. She's really an awesome and unique kid. I worry so much that I'm "messing her up". I guess only time will tell, and the teachers tell me that when she's at school she's happy and that she's more or less an exemplary student. Still, I am focusing on making more time for the two of us. I hope that will quell some of the insecurities I am seeing in her. Meanwhile, back to the car; when I was cleaning it out, I found mold in the floor from the leak. Ick. I also found that I had a doctor's appointment at 10 am. I thought it was on Thursday. Suddenly, my day got very hectic. At doctor I:
On Wednesday of last week I took That Sprout to the beach at St. Simon's Island. She begged to go, and as I don't work I figured that it was important to spend these moments with her. Also, it was a beautiful day. I am impressed that even as I write this on the 5th day of June it has yet to get hot. It's only a matter of time. That Sprout had so much fun splashing in the surf and playing in the sand that she didn't want to leave, but after almost four hours, I was done. Well done, actually. Despite my liberal use of sunscreen I got pretty sunburned. On my legs! What the hell? Diet-wise, it was not a good day. I had Dunkin' Donuts and Wendy's. No Beuno. After fighting me hard to stay at the beach, That Sprout succumbed to her exhaustion and took a nice long nap on the way home. I had hoped that she would stay asleep long enough for me to take a shower. That didn't happen, but she did lay docile in my bed watching Barney while I got all the salt and sand off, so that was just as good. In the shower I found that I was not off my period as I had previously thought. In essence I was Shark Bait and didn't know it. Ick. After my shower, That Sprout and I snuggled on the couch and played with dinosaurs while watching a BBC documentary on: Dinosaurs. Narrated by none other than Kenneth Branagh, no less. That Sprout seemed to really enjoy it. I am very glad that I let her play hookie. I think we needed some Mommy/Sprout time. After a bath wherein she informed me that cows go "Moo!", ducks go "Quack!", chickens go "Bock!" and Mommies go "Cry!", we cuddled up together and I read her Beowulf. This was sort of successful. She understands that there's a monster and he doesn't like the king, so he's squashing the king's castle. Not bad, right? After that, she went to bed, and so did I. j^C had to work all night, and while I would have liked to have done some work on my Teacher Ready stuff, I was exhausted.
On Thursday I woke up tired and with more sinus issues. I thought the beach had cured it, but I was sorely mistaken. Also, I didn't get much sleep. I spent the whole day in bed watching The Twilight Zone, except for lunch at La Napolera (Huevos con Chorizo!) and my therapy appointment. On the way to my appointment, I stopped at Foxy Loxy for an iced Mexican Mocha. Those should not come over ice. From now on, I will drink them hot or not at all.
Friday morning began with That Sprout and I feeding mini Ritz crackers to the baby duckies in the yard. We were a little late for school, but BABY DUCKIES! Some things are just more important. After dropping her off at school, I took myself to breakfast at Waffle House and ate a hearty meal while working on some notes for a writing project I hope to start next month. It's called "Why Are You My Friend?" and it's going to be a compilation of stories about my friends and why I don't deserve them sometimes. Nothing heavy, more funny stuff - like the time I colored most of my face with a Sharpie marker. I know that Waffle House isn't the best thing to eat, but I convinced myself that with my continuing sinus issues I deserved an indulgent breakfast. This kind of thinking is why we have an obesity epidemic, people. When I got home the first thing I did was watch the latest episode of Hannibal. If you haven't seen it and you are a Dead Like Me fan, then you need to go now. It was very cheeky, if not a bit graphic with the gore. Herschell Gordon Lewis is smiling down on NBC even as we speak. After Hannibal, I did a fair bit of research on why my 2.5 year old suddenly doesn't want to sleep in her room. It could be nightmares, so the internet told me. In order to combat this problem, I spent extra cuddle and reading time with That Sprout before bed, and I sent her off to dreamland with "Anti-Monster Spray" to keep her safe. It sort of worked, but we are still having bedtime issues almost a week later. Hopefully this passes because I feel like the worst parent ever when I hear her wailing for "Mommy!" after sending her to bed.
That afternoon when I picked up That Sprout from school, I learned that she had had a pretty rough day. She got bitten and scratched. So, I took her to get an ice cream cone before dinner. This turned out to be a big mistake. Little did I know that there was a fundraiser going on. There were tons of kids and two bouncy houses. Of course, That Sprout did not want to leave, which would have been fine if I weren't still suffering with the never-ending sinus issue. I told her that if she went home and ate a good dinner, we could come back, hoping that daddy would take her and I could sit around waiting to die. Eventually, I picked her up like a sack of potatoes and carried her to the car. This did not go over well. When we got home, she did not eat a good dinner and she kept whining to go back to "the castle". j^C brought pizza home for dinner, so her not eating was just stubbornness. She loves pizza. Everyone loves pizza. However, I am proud to say that I ate a Grilled Chicken Salad instead. I love the grill at the Ft. Stewart Bowling Alley - they are the only place that has good pizza and good salads. Hopefully, if we continue the tradition of "Pizza Night", I will continue with the Chicken Salads. If I use oil and vinegar they are pretty darn healthy and I swear I'm really trying to be in control of my intake at this point. (More on that in a moment.) Anyway, I held firm to the bargain. No dinner, no castle. Instead, we watched Dinosaurs, read books, and went to bed. As I said, that was a hassle, but I think that the "Anti-Monster Spray" helped. After that, I worked on the blog while watching The Twilight Zone until I was ready to sleep.
On Saturday, That Sprout woke up talking about "the castle". I woke up feeling like hell on toast so j^C took That Sprout on an excursion to Wal-Mart and to another local bouncy house while I stayed in bed. I didn't want to eat anything and try as I might, I couldn't sleep. I just laid in bed listening to Pandora, wishing in vain for health. After j^C and That Sprout got home it was time for her nap. That went poorly, but eventually we got her into bed and asleep. I decided to go to the store, but instead I went to Plum's and had 1/2 patty melt, cherry coke, & fries. I figured that I would shop better on a full stomach. Instead, eating just made me feel sick, so I came home and made Ground Turkey Curry and Thai Green Beans with what I had in the fridge. Is curry better with more veggies? Yes. Was I interested in going to buy those veggies? Hell no. After dinner I was still sick. Felt like death. Went to bed early.
I tried to stay in bed on Sunday, but j^C convinced me that a family outing was a good idea. So, I got up and took a shower while listening to REM Pandora. I could have stayed in the shower all day. Instead, we all got dressed and headed to Monkey Joe's, but as we arrived at 11 it was not yet open. So, our Family Trip moved to Barnes and Noble. That Sprout had fun playing with the train set in the Children's section while j^C and I took turns browsing. Thankfully, my sinuses felt better but my head was in a fog. I felt like I was going through motions. I didn't see too many things in the store that caught my eye. I looked for a copy of Trilby by George du Maurier. Seriously, they had like 7 different novels by Daphne du Maurier and not one blessed thing by her gramps? The injustice! Meanwhile, I did see that David Sedaris published a new set of essays. While I would love to add it to my Sedaris Library, I am not shelling out $27 for the hardback copy. Hopefully it will be in paperback by Christmas. That's a hint for anyone out there feeling generous. I also saw a stack of Confessions of a Sociopath and I was giddy. I picked on up to show j^C saying "This is so cool! I know the person who wrote this book!" That's sort of true, anyways. We have corresponded via email. Regardless, it makes me happy to see anyone in my personal universe find success and fame. I also tend to treat people like they are famous, even if they aren't. If I read your blog, to me, you are famous. Have a PhD? Famous. Were in a ballet? Famous. Run races? Famous. Live in someplace I wish I lived? Famous. Interviewed on the local news? Famous. In the newspaper? Famous. (By that logic, everyone is famous when they are born and when they die.) In my brain, Captain Tesla and Mojo Jojo are the most famous people I know, closely followed by the bloggers I correspond with and Michael Gira. I think this is a good thing. People say we shouldn't treat celebrities any differently from normal people. Whatever. I think we should just treat everyone like celebrities because most everyone has something that makes them awesome. I digress: Sunday. After B&N, we were hungry, yet I was feeling sort of nauseous. j^C was craving Chinese so we hit up the local Chinese Buffet for lunch. I didn't eat much, which was kind of a waste considering the fact that Sunday lunch costs $11 a plate. Ugh. Afterward, I let j^C drive home because I wanted to inspect the water leaking into the floorboard. I thought it might have something to do with the AC and I hoped that it would resolve itself. At home, I listened to Pandora in bed then watched Duran Duran videos. I need more Duran Duran in my life. Much the happy. Especially 1990-2000 era Duran Duran. While the 90s might have had a lot of questionable music and fashion, this did not effect my boys. They never looked better, and in ways, they never sounded better. I keep praying for Warren Cuccurrullo to return. He brought such great things to the band. Alas, I shall have to make do with TV Mania and hope that Nick can persuade him to come back. j^C conspicuously accommodating and affectionate. Interesting.
On Monday, I felt like crap. I did next to nothing. I talked to Mojo Jojo, Xsty, and Captain Tesla which may not have been the most productive use of my time, but it did put me on the road to achieving my unofficial June Goal of "more friends". See, back in January, I thought I was going to work my way through Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project month by month. That just didn't happen. But! I happened across my copy of this tome last week and decided to take a note from The FlyLady and "Start Where You Are". So, I read the June chapter and I took away 2 things. #1: "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good" and #2: "More friends = more happiness". Now, I am truly blessed in the friends department. I have more wonderful people in my life than I deserve - the trouble is that I get very anxious when I have let communication drop off. It gets the better of me, and I don't tend to re-establish contact. This is where #1 comes in. I have to just do what I can to maintain contact. If that means short emails and facebooking, that's okay. I've learned recently that in building relationships, quantity outweighs quality. Since I have a dearth of quality friends, I don't think I'm going to go making any new ones (the book suggests making 3 new friends in June); instead I am going to focus on re-establishing and maintaining relationships with the ones I already have. I am currently trying to figure out how to make it to Pensacola to see Captain Tesla and how to get to Asheville to see Xsty. Meanwhile, I spent some time with my old co-teacher That Cunt before Deep Speaks at Starbucks. Deep Speaks, the book release event for our Spring Semester was AWESOME! I am so lucky to be able to work with so many amazing women! I am also incredibly lucky to be able to help Savannah's middle school students find their voices. Two of my former students read, and I promise you, me and That Cunt were their biggest cheerleaders. I am so very proud of all that these kids have accomplished, and while I know they learned a lot from me and my co-teachers, I hope they know how much I learned from all of them. Seriously, if you aren't volunteering with some kind of NPO, then you need to look into it. It's kind of the best thing ever. After Deep Speaks, I came home and went to sleep, but not before discovering that the water issue in my car had become critical. The car smelled TERRIBLE and I could hear water sloshing back and forth under the dash when I made sharp turns. No Beuno.
On Tuesday, I cleaned out car in the AM after dropping That Sprout at School. I was very worried about her. She's very attached to Mommy right now, does not want to go to school, and is still having bedtime issues. I am trying to put it out of my mind, even now, because I know that going to school is good for her. She's learning a lot - not just songs and ABCs, but all those important social things that you can't learn by staying home with Mommy. Still, I see a lot of myself in her. She's not the nebbish creature I was, but she is very sensitive. I just hope that continuing to go to school allows her to find her voice and her confidence while preserving her kind and sensitive nature. She's really an awesome and unique kid. I worry so much that I'm "messing her up". I guess only time will tell, and the teachers tell me that when she's at school she's happy and that she's more or less an exemplary student. Still, I am focusing on making more time for the two of us. I hope that will quell some of the insecurities I am seeing in her. Meanwhile, back to the car; when I was cleaning it out, I found mold in the floor from the leak. Ick. I also found that I had a doctor's appointment at 10 am. I thought it was on Thursday. Suddenly, my day got very hectic. At doctor I:
- I learned that I had lost 8 pounds
- I learned have a perforated left ear drum
- I found out that the sinus issue had turned into an ear infection
- I got my last HPV shot
- I got a script for weight loss pills and a Z-Pac
The doctor and I discussed my continued weight loss efforts and she encouraged me to attend a informational meeting about Bariatric Surgery on Wednesday. Being that I was still sick and in pain, and emotional from the weight loss and psychiatric (CL) talk, I cried when I got my last HPV shot. Pain and emotional duress are not a good mix for me. And those shots are like peanut butter. Lame. But, at least they are done and over with and hopefully, they will prevent me from winding up like Michael Douglas. Seriously, that shit has me terrified. After the appointment, I went to Target to drop off the scripts, then headed to Savannah Toyota to see about the water leak. It was an AC issue. I also needed new tires. 5 hours and nearly $900 later, I was able to pick up my scripts and go home. When I picked up That Sprout she was begging to go to the beach, despite the pendulous thunder clouds. Instead, we all went to the store. I am trying VERY hard to limit my dairy/gluten/sugar intake. I would like to eliminate them entirely, but I don't think that fits with my reality. I bought lots of fresh fruits and veggies, then we came home and ate baked chicken and mac&cheese. I was tired, sick, and hungry. Did not care about dairy/gluten/sugar at that point. Also, as sick, not too hungry, so kept mac&cheese intake to a minimum.
Today I woke up feeling worse than before. I had a splitting headache all day. After my small and sensible breakfast, it seemed to go away, but it came back later with a vengeance. I'm not sure if it's a side effect of the Z-Pac or dehydration or what, but it was pretty miserable. Today was also the first day of my new weight loss pills! They seem to be working. In an effort to be more aware of what I am eating, I decided to start taking photos of my meals with my phone, and then emailing them to myself. That way, I will have a record of what I ate, how much, and when. It's working for the most part, although I did forget to take a picture of my lunch salad at Atlanta Bread Company. I'm not worried about it though, I wrote it down in an email and sent it, so that's almost as good, right? Baby steps . . . Speaking of which, I am happy to say that I made more progress with my June relationship friend goal thing. I spoke to friend I have been out of touch with today. I had planned on giving her a call sometime before the end of the week, but she texted me and beat me to the punch. This is good. I hope to see her either Thursday or Friday. Baby steps . . . Regarding my hope to banish sugar from my diet (and subsequently, That Sprout's - she's developing a sugar problem!) I made sugar free raspberry preserves with raspberry, chia seeds, and lucuma powder. It's a bit tart, and That Sprout was unimpressed at her first try, but I have faith that she'll come to like it. Either that, or I'll wind up eating it myself and trying again with a less tart fruit, like blueberries or strawberries. At around 4, I headed to Savannah for the Bariatric Surgery informational meeting. I left early so I could stop in at Fresh Market for some fresh ground peanut butter. It's so much better than that "natural" peanut butter with all the oil on top - the fresh stuff doesn't separate! I had not eaten lunch and I had a little time yet to kill, so I went across the street for a 1/2 salad at ABC. Who should I find working there, but Sarah Bates! I had been thinking about her all day because of the Bariatric Surgery thing.
See, Sarah Bates is an real weight loss inspiration and one of my personal heroes. She lost 90+ pounds with diet and exercise. That's freaking amazing, and it shows me that if I wanted it bad enough, I could lose the weight too, without surgery. Like me, she has struggled with her weight all her life, and now that she's lost the weight she's got a lot of skin to deal with. This morning, I donated $25 to her indigogo campaign: "Brave New Body" to help fund her skin removal surgery. So, I was pretty happy to run into her before the Bariatric Surgery meeting. I think it was serendipitous. Also, it was another baby step for my June relationship friend goal thing. We talked about weight loss, Deep, mutual acquaintances, and Behind the Candelabra which was middling, but I still want to see. I left feeling very unsure about my own surgery option and feeling empowered to make the changes without surgery. Honestly, surgery scares the crap out of me, but dying does too and this weight has got to come off one way or another. My liver is dying a slow death. Not good. Still, if she can do it, why can't I? I make a lot of excuses for myself. I need to invent reasons why I can do it - because I CAN. Anyway, I found myself at this meeting and I had SO. MANY. FEELINGS.
I was probably the thinnest person there. My mobility is just fine and I was walking with a quick and determined pace while those around me struggled to shuffle to their seats. These are people who really can't work out - who really need help. I listened to the lecture about the 3 kinds of surgery and all the particulars of qualification. My Primary Care Physician already told me that I would most likely only be qualified for the Lap-Band. As for qualifying with my insurance, I don't think that will happen. First of all, at this moment, my BMI is 40 and it needs to be over 40 with no-comorbidities. You would think that liver function would be a co-morbidity for this sort of thing, but you would be wrong. The only 3 that matter are diabetes, sleep apnea, and hypertension. While I might just qualify right now, I hope to lose some more weight over the next 6 months which would then dis-qualify me. I also don't think that I would pass the required psychological evaluation as I don't believe I have the necessary support system in place in order to be successful. I am going to discuss this with my Primary Care Physician at our next appointment, but I found myself leaving the meeting with a new found sense of determination regarding my weight loss efforts. I CAN walk every day. I CAN track my food. I don't NEED to resort to surgery. I CAN do this. So, I continue with my photographic food diary, and as soon as this ear infection resolves, you best believe I WILL be going to the gym. I CAN do better, and it's kind of selfish not to when there's even one room full of suffering people who really CANNOT.
See, Sarah Bates is an real weight loss inspiration and one of my personal heroes. She lost 90+ pounds with diet and exercise. That's freaking amazing, and it shows me that if I wanted it bad enough, I could lose the weight too, without surgery. Like me, she has struggled with her weight all her life, and now that she's lost the weight she's got a lot of skin to deal with. This morning, I donated $25 to her indigogo campaign: "Brave New Body" to help fund her skin removal surgery. So, I was pretty happy to run into her before the Bariatric Surgery meeting. I think it was serendipitous. Also, it was another baby step for my June relationship friend goal thing. We talked about weight loss, Deep, mutual acquaintances, and Behind the Candelabra which was middling, but I still want to see. I left feeling very unsure about my own surgery option and feeling empowered to make the changes without surgery. Honestly, surgery scares the crap out of me, but dying does too and this weight has got to come off one way or another. My liver is dying a slow death. Not good. Still, if she can do it, why can't I? I make a lot of excuses for myself. I need to invent reasons why I can do it - because I CAN. Anyway, I found myself at this meeting and I had SO. MANY. FEELINGS.
I was probably the thinnest person there. My mobility is just fine and I was walking with a quick and determined pace while those around me struggled to shuffle to their seats. These are people who really can't work out - who really need help. I listened to the lecture about the 3 kinds of surgery and all the particulars of qualification. My Primary Care Physician already told me that I would most likely only be qualified for the Lap-Band. As for qualifying with my insurance, I don't think that will happen. First of all, at this moment, my BMI is 40 and it needs to be over 40 with no-comorbidities. You would think that liver function would be a co-morbidity for this sort of thing, but you would be wrong. The only 3 that matter are diabetes, sleep apnea, and hypertension. While I might just qualify right now, I hope to lose some more weight over the next 6 months which would then dis-qualify me. I also don't think that I would pass the required psychological evaluation as I don't believe I have the necessary support system in place in order to be successful. I am going to discuss this with my Primary Care Physician at our next appointment, but I found myself leaving the meeting with a new found sense of determination regarding my weight loss efforts. I CAN walk every day. I CAN track my food. I don't NEED to resort to surgery. I CAN do this. So, I continue with my photographic food diary, and as soon as this ear infection resolves, you best believe I WILL be going to the gym. I CAN do better, and it's kind of selfish not to when there's even one room full of suffering people who really CANNOT.
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Up From The SofaMay 5, 2013 at 1:15 PM
You wish you could tear the suit of iron off you like you would the hands of an assailant whose arms were strangling you but there is no one there. You are alone with the many terrorizing voices but you can't answer them in a way that makes them go away. You may act loud and proud but it is an act and you know it.
Forgive the poor writing but this is how I feel.