Tell Me Why? "I Don't Like Mondays"

I don't like Mondays because soon I will
transform into an old geezer. Source

Someone needs to tell Bob Geldof that he's not aging well. I saw him last week on some documentary and Christ and Moses. He looks like he's 700 years old. I mean, he's 60, but 60 could look a lot better. He just looks tired. There's problems when the guys from Pink Floyd look better than Mr. "Save Africa" himself. Just sayin'.

See what I mean? Source

What does this have to do with today's post? Not much, other than the title comes from Geldof's biggest hit with The Boomtown Rats "I Don't Like Mondays". The chick in the song hated Mondays so much that she shot up a schoolyard full of little kids. Me? I'll just sit around in a Monday fugue. Not a fog, I said that word on purpose. Presently, I am sitting here with a lot of things to write about, but the stories aren't finished yet, so there's no sense in beginning to tell you something that hasn't got an end. Deep Speaks! will only make for interesting reading tomorrow, once it's happened.

So

In the interest of giving you something interesting to read this Monday, I give you the highlights from some unfinished FPN drafts that have been sitting around for far too long. Most of these were shelved with good intentions. Surely I would return to these subjects and finish saying my piece. I'm realizing that this probably isn't going to happen. I want to clean out my drafts folder and move one. That doesn't mean that I can't share my unfinished masterpieces with you though, does it? In no particular order, here we go!

1. Billy Talent Once Told Me to "Try Honesty" - November 8, 2012
This one's kind of a downer. I was in a bad mood, although the whole honesty thing still rings true. I don't lie to you dear readers, but I'm also editing and censoring myself a lot of the time. There are careers, families, and innocent school children to think of, after all.

Hey girl. We're Billy Talent. Source

So, yeah. This happy go-lucky blogger stuff isn't really working for me. This blogger thing: Isn't. Really. Working. I keep trying all these blog challenges and I'm not committing and failing and it turns very quickly into a sneaky hate spiral.

I'm done.

I'm coming clean.

Why the heck am I blogging? I'm lonely. Really, really lonely. I want to be famous on the interwebs so that maybe I could find some like minded people to populate my pixelated world, or my real one for that matter. Not matter what I do though, it comes up short. So, I'm done. Honesty is the best policy they say. Maybe I'll get some readers, maybe I won't. But I won't be trying to be something I'm not anymore.

So, what's up with me?

I'm a 26 year old stay at home mom who is beyond depressed most of the time, but trying to keep from drowning in the monotony. I am clinging to any and every shred of hope I can find, wherever I might find it. I want nothing more than to be part of some flesh and blood tribe and I have suadades for high school, middle school, college, work - any place where I knew my place, knew who I was, and knew who my friends were. I want to build a family of my own design and I feel thwarted at every turn. I wish that my life were like an episode of Friends.

I'll tell you I'm an orphan after you've met my family.

We look sad cus nobody remembers us. Source

2. There are Thieves in the Temple Tonight - September 12, 2012

This one got cut off right in the middle, I am assuming because of That Sprout or j^C. They are the bane of my writing career. I am still kind of confused about "Shut Up! Little Man" though. I did not like the way many of the people responded to the relationship between the two men, and I think it's really not nice to laugh at people like that. Those men were very lonely humans and they deserved compassion, love, and dignity as much as you or I. Maybe more.

Netflix I've found, is often times the devil. I wind up watching things I would have never even heard of - usually documentaries - on a whim. I am then left pondering these complex issues that would otherwise never have crossed my mind. Such was the case over the weekend when I watched the documentary Shut Up! Little Man. Long story short: a myriad of GenXers wound up gaining money and prestige from illegally recording the heated arguments of two elderly men; Ray, a homophobe, and Peter, his gay roommate. 

Why am I the only one who feels that this just  smacks of exploitation? Source

The documentary first focused on how the recordings were captured while the second half related the stories of all the people who profited off of the recordings. The two men who originally made the tapes have now built an entire business around selling "Shut Up! Little Man" merchandise. There have been plays, comic books, movies, and various sundry other products that were based on the drunken arguments of two very lonely old men. A handful of enterprising young people have made a life for themselves from these ill gotten recordings while the stars, Ray and Peter, never saw a dime.

This whole thing makes me very angry.

From watching the documentary, it was easy for me to see that these were two men who had lived hard lives.

3. Goodbye, Daniel Tosh. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. - September 11. 2012
I really hate Daniel Tosh. I was mostly glad that he said this stupid shit so that maybe he would finally go away. I have no idea whether or not that happened, but I sure do hope that he's history. The reason this never got finished was because it went on and on. My final point was going to be how men are always the ones defending rape jokes because they don't feel like they are potential rape victims  but that there are several voices in the gaming community (Jim Sterling and an anonymous Escapist writer) who are speaking out about how dumb these clowns are. Or something. This was almost six months ago. 


f people finally realized what a complete and utter douche bag Daniel Tosh is, I would be so happy.

Oh wait. They did.

See? The internet doesn't lie. Source

For those of you who are not in the know, Daniel Tosh did a big no-no. During a recent gig at The Laugh Factory in Hollywood, this happened:

“So, on Friday night my friend and I were at her house and wanted to get out and do something for the evening. We brainstormed ideas and she brought up the idea of seeing a show at the Laugh Factory. I’d never been, I thought it sounded fun, so we went. We saw that Dane Cook, along some other names we didn’t recognize we’re playing, and while we both agree that Cook’s style is not really our taste we were opened-minded about what the others had to offer. And we figured even good ol’ Dane can be funny sometimes, even if it’s not really our thing. Anyhoo, his act was actually fine, but then when his was done, some other guy I didn’t recognize took the stage. Of course, I would find out later this was Daniel Tosh, but at the time I thought he was just some yahoo who somehow got a gig going on after Cook. I honestly thought he was an amateur because he didn’t seem that comfortable on stage and seemed to have a really awkward presence. 

So Tosh then starts making some very generalizing, declarative statements about rape jokes always being funny, how can a rape joke not be funny, rape is hilarious, etc. I don’t know why he was so repetitive about it but I felt provoked because I, for one, DON’T find them funny and never have. So I didnt appreciate Daniel Tosh (or anyone!) telling me I should find them funny. So I yelled out, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!”

I did it because, even though being “disruptive” is against my nature, I felt that sitting there and saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman. I don’t sit there while someone tells me how I should feel about something as profound and damaging as rape. 

After I called out to him, Tosh paused for a moment. Then, he says, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…” and I, completely stunned and finding it hard to process what was happening but knowing i needed to get out of there, immediately nudged my friend, who was also completely stunned, and we high-tailed it out of there. It was humiliating, of course, especially as the audience guffawed in response to Tosh, their eyes following us as we made our way out of there. I didn’t hear the rest of what he said about me.

Now in the lobby, I spoke with the girl at the will-call desk, and demanded to see the manager. The manager on duty quickly came out to speak with me, and she was profusely apologetic, and seemed genuinely sorry about what had happened, but of course we received no refund for our tickets, but instead a comped pair of tickets, although she admitted she understood if we never wanted to come back. I can imagine the Laugh Factory doesn’t really have a policy in place for what happens when a woman has to leave in a hurry because the person onstage is hurling violent words about sexual violence at her. Although maybe I’m not the first girl to have that happen to her. 

I should probably add that having to basically flee while Tosh was enthusing about how hilarious it would be if I was gang-raped in that small, claustrophic room was pretty viscerally terrifying and threatening all the same, even if the actual scenario was unlikely to take place. The suggestion of it is violent enough and was meant to put me in my place.”'

Does anyone else feel just a little bit ill after reading that? I can't say that it surprises me though. I have always though Daniel Tosh was an unfunny black mark on the face of modern comedy. I don't know how he got famous and I have been know to re-evaluate my opinions of people's character and intelligence upon learning that they think the man is funny. He isn't. He never was. Now, with any luck, his career will be over and Comedy Central can air something worthwhile, like SNL and MadTV re-runs. Or, you know, pretty much anything else. 

But since this has almost more to do with "rape culture" than with Tosh himself, let's have a talk about that. 

I have recently decided that it would behoove me to be a feminist. How could it not? I'm a woman. It's called self interest. It makes me sad that until recently I called myself a misogynistic woman, and that I was a card carrying feminist hater. First of all, that's just not true. I liked having rights, therefore I had to like some of the things feminists stood for. My issue was really with the types of feminists you see caricatured in the media. Bra burners who don't want equality as much as they want superiority. "Not only are women equal to men, they are better." I can't get on board with that kind of thing, but I don't think anyone else can either. I think that stereotype was constructed by males in the media. Comedians and conservative politicians who are afraid that maybe their stereotype is correct. 

These are the same people who think that the whole "rape thing" isn't a big deal. It's a woman's problem, and as the party of the perpetrator, they are both in a position of power and immune to the reality.

So they think.

These men are so arrogant as to think that "it could never happen to me", and that's just not true. Men are raped every day, and no one knows what the real numbers are because of all the shame surrounding the subject. We've all heard it: 

• "She was asking for it"
• "She was coming on to me"
• "She was dressed like a slut, she knew what she was doing"
• "She shouldn't have been out at that time of night looking like that"

Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame. Bang, bang, bang. It's not my thing so let it go? Right. Let's consider some rape victims for a moment. Children - "She was coming on to me". The elderly - "She knew what she was doing". Men - "He was asking for it". How ridiculous do these accusations sound now? Does Daniel Tosh really think that he couldn't be raped? Let's all think about Marsellus Wallace for a moment. Everybody loves Pulp Fiction but I don't hear anyone talking about Ving Rhames iconic scene. The other big man rape scene in cinema is in Deliverence and the only thing you ever hear about that is jokes. Did you know that scene was filmed in one take upon Ned Beatty's insistence? Why  not? Who wants to be raped (even fictionally) over and over all afternoon. I read somewhere that Ned Beatty was psychologically traumatized from  the role he played in Deliverance. Of course he is. He's been the butt of every man rape joke since 1972. 

See this?
This is me not further traumatizing Ned Beatty. Source

Rape is not funny. That's not to say that well crafted and thoughtful rape jokes cannot be funny. George Carlin's rape routine is brilliant because it is absurd. I feel that the butt of the joke is not the victim, but the rapist, and that's OK. Maybe I'm wrong. At any rate, Tosh and people like him are definitely wrong. So are the people out there who are defending the use of the word "rape" in everyday conversation; i.e. "I just raped you in chess!". Why is this needed? Why can't we use one of the other hundreds words that would be as or more appropriate in that sentence? My band director used to say "We were crucified at competition". I like that. It gets the point across, and who do you know that was crucified? Jesus? Even still, in that case it was really a good thing if you go in for all that "saved mankind" stuff. There's no reason anyone should be offened if you said "I just crucified you in chess!". I like it. It's got a nice ring to it. And, there's very little chance of you coming upon a crucifixion victim anytime soon, lest you manage to build a time machine.

At least there are some voices of reason out there. It seems that video gamers are big on defending the use of the word "rape". Apparently, "I just raped your ass!" is a common thing to hear on XBox Live. I wouldn't know. 

Does anyone actually think I'm funny? Source

4. Trampire - September 8. 2012
This one was cut off midway through because I got distracted by life. Then, when I tried to resume, I just couldn't care. I am but a fledgling feminist, and this is KStew we're talking about. Forgive me, but my give a damn is busted.


I read an article about Kristin Stewart on Huffington Post this week. It made me very sad. To tell you the truth, I never know when things like the Twilight affair actually happen because I assume anything on the cover of a tabloid is a lie. (That's because they keep telling me Tom Cruise is gay, but I've yet to see any proof thereof. Eventually I'm going to go all Justin Crocker: "Leave Tommy alone! Leave him ALONE!".) Like the writer of the article, I care not about Kristen Stewart or her love life, but I do think it's interesting that she's being slaughtered in the media. Women screw up. Happens all the time. Why are we being so mean?

Shouldn't we have evolved past this by now? Source

Do you you think maybe it's because we have an unattainable ideal as a gender? As a woman, do we expect ourselves to be perfect lovers, mothers, daughters, and friends? Does Stewart's fall from grace threaten to reveal the truth about all of us? We are not flawless chryselephantine things to be revered. We are human and humans are entitled to make mistakes. Humans are also entitled to forgiveness. This matter is no concern of ours anyway. It's up to her very hurt boyfriend whether or not she will be forgiven.

Criticism: You're doin' it right. Source

Of course, it isn't right for women to cheat on their boyfriends either, but let's consider a few things: KStew is 22. She has been dating Pattinson secretly in public since she was 18. That's a long time for a person so young. Realistically, this could have been the romance of the ages and still wouldn't have worked out. Hollywood romances are hard for mature adults. Every "match made in heaven" story in Hollywood has eventually fallen apart (Why Katie? Why?). No matter how much two people love one another, the life is hard, there's jerks with cameras around every corner, you spend months on different continents, and you have to put up with a hundred thousand screaming teenagers lusting after your man (or, conversely, the thought of a hundred thousand zit faced teenagers spanking it to your woman). It is not a good scene. Most of us can't keep a relationship together as long as Stewart did, and we have a lot less problems.

5. J Got Ranned Over By A Blue Car - Backin' it Out tha Gay-rawj Yester-day! - February 27, 2012
This was a really funny story at the time, but now it just seems pointless to finish it, as it was almost a year ago. Long story, short? I am an idiot and almost ran myself over with j^C's car. Fear. On my face. The garage has a slight incline, which in reverse is a small hill. The car was in neutral and I had one foot on the clutch and one foot on the ground, easing it out manually. Suddenly, the car was going really fast and if I hadn't slammed on brakes, I might have lost my leg as the car exited the garage. It would have been a very bad scene. At the very least, I now know that this method of car extraction is not a good idea.


I almost ran myself over today. Let me tell you, that takes some talent.

It all started with a crippling need to do some laundry. See, some time ago, I stashed all my dirty clothes in the garage. Now that I kind of need to get the washed, they were in this huge unmanagable pile. I figured if I could sort them, the process would go much easier. In order to do that, the car needed to vacated the premises so that I could utilize the space it was currently occupying. (I have a lot of clothes.) Problem is, I can't drive a stick shift, so it wasn't as simple as backing it out.

Christine's frumpy younger sister. Source

First, I had to figure out how to start the car. Sounds easy, right? Wrong. I get behind the wheel, I insert the key, turn, and nothing happens. I pump the gas and turn - nothing happens. I pump the brake and turn - nothing happens. I pump the clutch and turn - nothing. Release the parking brake - still nothing. Finally, I googled "How to start manual car" on my phone. "Depress clutch to floor while turning key, then release when car is started." Ah. So, after like 10 minutes, we have ignition. Then, I put the car into neutral and began to back it ever so slowly out of the garage.

This is when things took a turn for the worse.

The End! 

Please excuse the new fonts and whatnot. I am trying some new things to improve the look and readability of the blog. 

Meanwhile, are there any drafts you would like to see to fruition? Feedback in the comments is always appreciated! :-)