I Don't Wanna

Give me 40 years and a sex change. Source

I don't want to update this blog today. I have nothing to say. Furthermore, I feel like my brain is a fried egg. Incidentally, I would also like to eat a fried egg at the moment, but that could be a hunger thing.

I think I consumed far too much salt this weekend which has resulted in me being a bloated and cranky bitch.  I have gained back what little weight I thought I had lost, my pants are tight, and my hands are swollen and achy. At least I have the consolation of knowing that despite feeling like human garbage, I went out and did my requisite daily exercise anyway. Yay?

As I finished my last short run of my C25K training today, I realized something very sad about myself - something that I hate to admit, though I know it to be true: I am a quitter. I may have completed my training for today, but I really didn't want to. I know that if I didn't have an accountabilibuddy, I would have quit when it got hard. This makes me sad.

I am truly a coward. Like, Falstaff level coward. It's embarrassing.

I suppose I should be happy that although I wanted to quit, I managed to persevere. It's hard to do that though, knowing that as soon as I am left to my own devices the siren call of quitting will begin to temp me in earnest. It's hard admitting you are the cause of your own misfortune.

For now though, I am persevering. I am blogging when I don't want to. I am running when I want to quit. I am still trying, even though I really don't want to. Maybe that's admirable.