Salieri Cuts a Rug (Part 1)

Dear Friends and Gentle Readers: 

I have written a longer piece that I would like to share with you all, but I think it wise to break it up into sections. I hope you come along with me as I share my journey through the world of dance and as I navigate the new territory of serial blog entries. I think it will be fun!

Salieri Cuts a Rug (Part 1)

I love dancing. I love the idea of it and I love the reality of it. I love watching people dance, which would explain my love of music videos and musical theater. I love to dance myself. 
Sadly, dancing does not love me. I have no rhythm and no grace. I imagine this has something to do with having never been comfortable in my own skin. I decided over the past month however, that I was going to finally learn to dance. After a lot of research, I decided on belly dancing, as there are no adult hip-hop classes. I once dated a guy who often said he'd like to see me in a belly dancer costume, so the concept didn't seem too far fetched.


Last night I went to my first class. For an hour I shook my hips, flexed my abs, shimmied and swayed. Most of my energy was spent meticulously watching my instructor and trying to mimic her movements and footwork. What little energy was left went to hating her and myself. Her for being so beautiful and so confident and me for feeling neither.

Who wouldn't want to be like Mata Hari. I mean, come on.

If I had not been there with the intention of learning to dance, the teacher would have been a joy to watch. The whole night, all I could think was "She is in love with herself". I know that sounds bad, but I don't mean for it to. I wish I were in love with myself. When the music was playing, it was as if she couldn't not move. 

She was in love with her body, she loved what she was doing with her body, and maybe she was even in love with life. She was so graceful and beautiful and all sorts of other adjectives I wish I was. While she was gliding around like some kind of ethereal flower goddess, I was trying to figure out a way to dance while folding up inside of myself at the same time.

I tried. It does not work.

There's no room for ego, self consciousness, or inhibition in dancing. It is the celebration of your physical form. I'm sure people who are not secure in their bodies can dance, but not me. 

This is, however, not for lack of trying on my part.

Check back tomorrow for Part 2 of Saliri Cuts a Rug!