Close Your Big, Bloodshot Eyes

OK, so I am running on a combined total of about 5 hours sleep over the past 2 nights. The dogs, the Sprout, manic anxiety, general stress, caffeine, and dry skin have robbed my of my precious. I am too tired to make sense right now - I've got like 5 things half written, but I just can't be bolloxed to finish them and add the links and what not. In the interest of taking a nap and still providing you, my dear readers with some compelling content, I give you one of my favorite nap songs, Alice Cooper's "Might as Well Be on Mars". The video doesn't thrill me, mainly because it's lacking in Alice-ness, but it's worth watching. I heard once that this is Uncle Alice's favorite of his songs. I can see why.

Alice needs to adopt me. Now. Seriously. Someone get on this for me. Let's make it happen.

The Zen of a Clean Floor

And so it begins. Source

I have said it once (somewhere on the internet, I swear) that nothing makes me happier than having a clean floor. My whole house could be falling down around my ears, and if the floors are clean, I can "Keep Calm and Carry On."

It's strange, the happiness and the comfort I get from having a clean floors. It's also strange that I know this - have acknowledged it more than once - and yet, I can't seem to keep the motherfuckers clean. The dog debacle of 2012 has not helped matters, but even before I was ankle deep in things that vacated my dog's stomach, I couldn't manage to keep them clear of dirt. 

I could blame this on the dogs if I wanted. They do bring the dirt in, after all. That's not the problem though. The problem is that if I let the floor go for one day, it's a decadent spiral, and before I know it, I've got the Valley of the Kings in my living room - little doggy footprints dotting the sand. It's unpleasant to say the least. 

You try vacuuming this. Source

"So, vacuum it," you say. 

"No shit," say I. 

That's not the point. Of course it gets vacuumed. And mopped. And all the other crap I have to do to the floor before I can once again be at peace. The point is, that letting it go for one day would be fine. Those dogs bring in a lot of dirt, this is true, but they don't convert the place to an indoor sandbox over night. But one day turns to two, then to four; before long, a week has gone by and I'm picking sand out of my teeth. 

It's that first day, the break in the system that is my undoing. I do very well with consistency in my "systems". Once one part of the system breaks down though, everything becomes utter chaos. In a nutshell, I am not a problem solver. Lately, I am beginning to realize this more and more. One little thing in my life goes awry and I fall to pieces. With important things (read: things where people will see my reaction) I try very hard to appear that I am coping.

"You don't have what I need and you are the only people who carry it? *Smiles* Okay, I'll figure something else out. Thanks!"

Inside, I'm going:

 "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! SonofabitchIhopeyoufuckingdieeatshitanddieyoufuckingcuntweevil!!!!!"

With things where people won't see me react, it's more of a slow disintegration by way of avoidance. 

Day 1: I'm too tired to do the floors.

Day 2: Well, they could go another day.

Day 3: Ignoring the floors by reading that book I've been avoiding for six months.

Day 4: Boy, this book is good . . .

Day 5: How'd all this dirt get in here? Guess I'll sweep . . . this is futile.

Day 6: Where's the vacuum? Shit. Out of vacuum bags.

Soon . . . Source

Day 7: What do you mean you won't have any bags til Friday?!?!

Day 8: I am a failure.

Day 9: I can pretend there's no dirt.

Day 10: Still pretending . . .

Day 11: If I don't spend any time at home, then I won't notice. Say, why don't I have any clean dishes?

Day 12: You know, I'm down to, like, 1 pair of underwear . . . think I'll go shopping for new clothes. It's easier.

Day 13: Vacuum Bag Friday!

Day 14: OMG WHERE DO I BEGIN?!?! HOW DID I LET THIS HAPPEN?!?!

Then, here we are. Source

And all of this could so easily be avoided if would just vacuum and mop every day. Or, if I became a better problem solver. Yeah. That one.