What Dreams May Come May Scare the Hell Out of You

I just woke up from the most un-nerving dream I've had in quite some time. j^C, That Sprout, and I were driving around either Ft. Stewart or Ft. Bragg - it's hard to say which, but I feel like it was Ft. Stewart, and we came to the end of this road that was under construction. We were trying to turn around and figure out how to get to where we were trying to go which was on the other side of the construction.

It was dark and as we were backing up to turn around, j^C backed the car into a cavernous hole. The car kept falling back and back and back and j^C started saying "I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die." As the car fell, it was completely vertical. I was trying to lift my head up from the back of the seat to brace my neck with my hand for impact. We fell for what seemed like minutes. We never did hit and then I woke up.

We basically backed into this. Source.

I think it's rather obvious that this is reflective of how I am feeling about my life right now. I don't usually have such obvious and easily interpreted dreams, so it's nice when my subconscious throws me a softball. I am not in the driver's seat of my life. I have no control over what happens with the Army thing. Et cetera, et cetera. The best thing I can do is to try and brace myself, but I don't think that's going to help matters at the moment of impact. I have a feeling that j^C will not be exiting the Army as we all hope. Still, I am lighting my candles, hoping and praying.

***

In other news, I've been reading a lot of my old LiveJournal lately and there was a point in 2008 when I was really unpleasant and insufferable and I don't know how any of you tolerated me. I mean, I was really just a horrible person. I am so sorry. I owe everyone who had to deal with me during that time a huge apology.

Especially Merlisser.

She is a better person than I ever let her know that I think she is and I am so blessed that she has been my friend even when I haven't been deserving of having her be my friend. That was a mouthful, but I think you know what I mean. Merlisser is an awesome, kind, caring, generous, loving, beautiful, wonderful woman and I am humbled by her friendship, especially in light of my own asshattery. Thank you for being my friend Merlisser!

Relay for Life 2008 - Back when I was being and asshole.

Speaking of LiveJournal, I am considering trying to get all of the old entries off there and printing them out at once in order to read them and to better facilitate the writing on non-fiction. The problem with LJ is that it doesn't really enable on to easily look back over the years, you know? Kind of annoying.

I am noticing a theme . . .

Another annoying thing I've realized from reading these entries is how I've not changed a whole lot when it comes to diet and exercise. It's the same struggle that I was having in 2005. That was 10 years ago. How sad is that. I thought I would have been further along by now. Alas. Change is slow, I suppose. But I'm getting better. I don't care so much what people think of me. I am going to go to the gym this morning even. Now it's just a struggle to not want to:

The struggle is real.

I am thinking of asking the doctor to up the dose of the Topramax to see if that will better facilitate the weight loss. So far it's coming off very slowly, if at all. I would love to see 229 on the scale. (Who am I kidding? I would LOVE to see 199 on the scale, but that is a long way off yet. I would also be so stoked to see 170 that I might just be content to hang there forever.)

Meanwhile, enough of this negativity! Today is Halloween and I am going to enjoy the day! I am going to have fun with That Sprout. Then tomorrow I am going get up early to work out, begin NaNoWriMo, go to Mass and then out to breakfast. Afterward, j^C and I are going to see Crimson Peak and life is going to be fine and good. :-)

Dr. Uranium's Descent Into Madness