Gluteus Maximus, Pectoralis Majors - Clean to You, Dirty to the Latins . . .

I would like to begin today's T&A Tuesday with a disclaimer: Although I tried to research it so's I wouldn't make an ass out of myself, I am still not 100% clear on the difference between Hispanics and Latinos. I am pretty sure all of the people featured today are, in fact, Latino - but on the off chance that they are instead Hispanic, please alert me to this fact and I will change the marquee.

Enough of that. Let's get to the T&A. Submitted for your perusal, I bring you:

Or Hispanic? The jury's still out.

So, like most things, I got to the Latin Music Party a little late. Okay, a lot late. I liked Enrique Iglesias just fine ("Bailamos", anybody?), but at the time I could take or leave Ricky Martin and Marc Anthony. I was much more interested in skinny, androgynous white guys who may or may not have subsisted on a steady diet of cocaine, cocaine, and more cocaine. My perception of "sexy" has drastically changed over the past few years though. Where I used to be morally opposed to muscles and strong jaw lines, I am now more or less enamored. I have Vin Diesel to thank for this. Specifically, Vin Diesel in The Fast and the Furious when he picked up Letty while they were making out in the garage. After seeing that scene, I was never the same.

Which brings us to today. It all started with needing some gangster rap empowerment. Soon, I was down the YouTube rabbit hole and wound up watching Pitbull videos. Who is this Pitbull person? Why was I not informed of his Latin Heat? Hmm? That there is some sex in the flesh, people. So, I decided that for today's feature I would explore some beautiful and talented men and women of the Latin persuasion.

1. Pitbull

Wook at da widdle face. Da face! Source.

Apparently people hate this man. I've read that it's because he talks about the same things in all of his songs: money, being "Mr. Worldwide", and giving it to all the ladies. I don't see what the problem is here. It's not like there aren't a million other artists out there who do the exact same thing. Why everybody gotta be hatin' on Pitbull? Just cus he's reppin' the 305? This homie don't play that. I know he's all style and no substance. I'm okay with that. He's pretty to look at, I like the way his voice sounds, and he's got the art of making catchy dance music down to a fine science. So he's not the Shakespeare of hip-hop. That's fine. Neither is 50 Cent and he does catch half the flack that our boy Pitbull does. Haters gonna hate, but ballers gonna ball and that fine specimen up there my friends, is a baller. And since we are all about T&A here today, there's THIS. Specifically at 2:41 to the end. Wow. I need to go take a shower now.

2. Shakira

This here required a video. Why? Because Shakira is at her best when she is in motion. She's an incredible dancer, with a body that I personally would kill for. Shakira has been on my radar since this song came out and my then boyfriend kind of had a thing for her. At that point I was just happy he was over Vitamin C. I could handle his celebrity crushes so long as they weren't the worst form of bubble gum pop music EVER. When Shakira showed up shaking her T&A and blowing his mind, I was happy. While I was not attracted to her, I did like watching her dance and Ex-BF and I could agree that she had some crazy impressive operatic vocal chords to work with. Good things. Unlike Vitamin C, Shakira has remained a musical  and cultural force to be reckoned with. As if she wasn't already awesome enough, then she went and had a baby and became the most smoking hot pregnant lady in recent memory. Demi Moore, eat your heart out.

3. Antonio Banderas

Source.

That photo really should be all you need to know that Mr. Banderas is a fine piece. However, if you remain unconvinced, there's THIS. And THIS. And THIS. And especially THIS. Seriously, why do I need to even convince you? One human being should not possess so much talent, and yet he does. He sings. He dances. He acts. He's done porno and children's movies. He's got an incredible sense of humor. He's got a body to die for. He's a renowned philanthropist. Seriously, just watch Interview with the Vampire, Philidelphia, Desperado, and Once Upon a Time in Mexico. This is all you need to know. Sexiness. You can suck on my neck anytime you want. 

4. Raul Julia

Source.

Raul Julia, known to most of you as Gomez Addams, but he was so much more. I won't get into all of that. If you are interested, then do your damn homework. I have two points, and they are these: 1. Raul Julia, along with John Astin helped to create a realistic example of married life in television and film by playing Gomez Addams. Why? Because we all knew that Gomez and Morticia had sex. Matter of fact, Morticia and Gomeze were the first family on TV to have had an apparent sex life. When Raul Julia played Gomez, he did so with class and amplomb. And you know what? Married couples who like to have sex with one another is kind a sexy in and of itself. Kudos to Raul Julia for taking the role. 2. Raul Julia was a crazy talented actor who died way to young. If Gomez Addams isn't your sexy type speed, then you should really check out The Kiss of the Spider Woman or Frankenstein Unbound. You know what? Just go watch that last one right now. I'll wait.

5. John Leguizamo

Source.

Oh, John Leguizamo . . . how I love you in all that you do. See, John's a special kind of sexy. He's undeniably beautiful, but he's also really good at playing some ugly, ugly people. Spawn? Moulin Rugue? Yeah, he was the midgety type character in both of those. He's also real good at playing the bad guy as evidenced by the above picture from Romeo + Juliet where he played Tybalt, psychotic cousin of Juliet. Being bad never looked so good.  And let's not forget that he makes for a very convincing "little Latin boy in drag".

6. Rita Hayworth

Source.

Rita Hayworth had babies with Orson Welles. She's on here because she's beautiful, she's Latina, and I am super jealous that she got to schtup Orson Welles. So. Jealous.

7. America Ferrera

Source.

I really like America Ferrera, and as the above photos illustrate, if anybody's got rockin' T&A, it's her. You know what though? It took me FOR. EV. ER. to find that photo, and when I did, the site was talking about how fat she was. 'Scuse me? That's fat? I don't think so. That's hot. And need I remind you that the film these still are taken from is called Real Women Have Curves? I realize that America has lost a good deal of weight over the last few years, and that's cool. Maybe it was for her health. She's hot either way. But let's not all get high and mighty about how much better off she is now. I personally loved America in her early career and thought she was beautiful and real and wonderful. Real women do have curves.

8. Dolores Del Rio

Source.

Schtupped Orson Welles. Latina. Hot. Jealous. On list because of that. However, I would like to point out that this woman was a full decade older than Mr. Welles when they had their illicit affair. It's said that she was under his spell, and considering who he was, I believe it. Still, what an incredible beauty she must have been when he could have had ANY girl in Hollywood. Of course, Orson had a type, and she fit the bill.

9. Enrique Iglesias

Source.

Enrique Iglesias, for all intents and purposes, sings the same kind of schlock as Pitbull, yet no one seems to hate his guts. Why? Could it be his devilish good looks? Could it be the fact that he's going to liberate us all through the magical power of dance? Perhaps it's the fact that he's Julio Iglesias' kid and everyone's afraid of the wrath they might invoke if they go prodding that kind of powerhouse. Or maybe it's the fact that he told each and every one of us what he's doing to us tonight. I'mma tell you one thing, Mr. Iglesias: That's a promise I expect you to keep.

10. Salma Hayek

Source.

If you don't think that Salma Hayek is one of the most stunningly beautiful creatures on the face of the earth, then you need to get your eyes checked and re-examine your life. Seriously. This is all.