Wednesday Reflections #10 - Actually #16, But Who's Counting?

I was going to write about how terribly I've been struggling with mood swings, anxiety, and depression since the beginning of the year, but since looking at the backlog and realizing that I've written mostly more than I haven't I feel a little better. I've lost six weeks - not great, but not bad.

For shame, for shame. Source

I've been meaning to write about a new-ish phenomenon that I've become aware of within myself as of late - but writing is a task rife with panic these days, so I've been letting it go. Not today though - today I bring you news of "Uranium J's Spirit Guide of the Week".

Also, have been suffering PMS - which is
 made better by Louis here and his friend.
Source

I can tell that you are intrigued, as well you should be since it's quite an intriguing subject. It seems that for the past two months or so, I've had a new weekly obsession with some musician or other. They all seem to peak and fade in seven days, so I've had a somewhat relentless cast of persona's guiding me in through my trials and tribulations since sometime in mid March, when I was completely taken with Michael Jackson. After him, there was Gotye, Marilyn Manson, Nelly, Billy Jack, and now, Lou Reed.

Is anyone else noticing a trend? Source

Lou Reed . . . How do I love thee? Let me count the ways . . . Then again, perhaps not. We could be here quite a while if I were to start down that road. I will instead give you the highlights as to why he is currently serving as Spirit Guide of the Week:

1. The Man is a Walking Streak of Sex.

Define: Walking Streak of Sex - See:
"Lou Reed".  Source

2. He made his own rules.

"Me? I just invented feedback.
What do you do?"Source

3. Metal. Machine. Music.

"What? My next album? Oh, it's gonna
be a real 'art record'. You'll love it."Source

4. He may be the most talented pop lyricist EVER.

Can we say "Fabulous"? Source

5. He is one SURLY MOTHERFUCKER (see #3).

"What? You didn't like the last album?
Excuse me while I try to summon
a fuck to give."
Source

Now, what has this to do with Uranium J? Well, this week I've found that I need to feel sexy and I need to feel empowered, and I REALLY need to feel like a SURLY MOTHERFUCKER.

But one with a sensitive side. Source

So, I'm listening to a lot of Lou this week and like he sang over 40 years ago, my life was saved by rock & roll. I won't elaborate as I don't want to alarm my dear readers, but suffice it to say that sometimes anxiety grows into a panic that is brief and all encompassing and you feel trapped and claustrophobic in your own body - in your own mind - and you can think of nothing for that brief time except how to escape. It was during a time like this that Lou Reed's rock and roll saved my life -  filling me with "Heroin"; sonically injected. 

So, yes. I've been really struggling with anxiety, but Lou Reed makes it better. I've been struggling with feeling like a failure, but I've not really lost all that much time, all things considered. Things are hard, but I'm taking my cue from this week's Spirit Guide and continuing to move forward. Fuck that "Better to burn out than fade away" shit. I'm not buying it.

Lou Reed and Me are OG. Source