This morning, I came to the conclusion that despite my efforts to call off gift giving in the family, other than for the children, that the gift giving will continue with or without my participation. I was accosted more than once since 8 PM Thanksgiving evening as I sat drinking coffee and eating pie. After ignoring several of these requests, I realized Sunday night that I had to reply with my wish list. I began by requesting "Peace on Earth and Good Will Toward Men - and Women", but that cannot be wrapped. Finally, I decided that I really did need a copy of The Cure for IDK by Catherine Killingsworth, the esteemed founder of the non profit I volunteer with. When asked what else I might like, I said that Itunes cards are always appreciated.
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| I feel like poor Charlie every year. Source |
No sooner had I capitulated than I began to feel like scum. We had mentioned on several occasions that we neither wanted nor needed anything, because we really don't, and we don't currently have the finances to reciprocate every gift we may receive Someone will be left out or short changed, and the more people we have to buy for, the less money we will have for out own family celebration and all the trimmings. I don't know if you realize this, but food ain't cheap, people. Neither are toys. I don't want to go overboard for That Sprout, but it's kind of ridiculous how expensive kids toys are. 2 items that I know we could all enjoy as a family come to a grand total of $60. I was planning of getting the same thing for the nephews - which is $120 bucks gone and we've only just begun. It's a financial nightmare.
Let me be clear. We have a little bit of debt, but we are able to pay our bills every month. Things are not spiraling out of control. There is just very little in the way of "fun money". Christmas is "fun", so you see where the problem lies. There is also the issue of obligation. Pictures of the Sprout work well for grandparents, but then you are expected to give to the rest of the family. Pictures don't cut it for everyone. Not to mention, pictures are expensive, which brings us back to the money we don't have. It's a hassle. It's stressful. It causes fights. I don't like it. I tried to escape it.
Yet, I found that escape was not to be mine this holiday season. After I came to the stark conclusion this morning that I would have to give a gift to everyone from whom we usually receive one, I put my nose to the grindstone trying to think of some useful, non garbage, homemade gifts that I could make for very little bread. I compiled a list and headed out.
My first stop was Dollar General, which had exactly zero of the items on my list. I was about to leave, when I wound up chatting with two women who were looking for a dog leash. I mentioned that Christmas was about to send me into a panic because I had to give gifts to all these people and I didn't have the money. They suggested I make cookies, and then offered to buy me the things I needed to get the job done. I politely declined the offer, so they asked if they couldn't get a little something for the Sprout. I had been meaning to get her a new smiley face balloon, as hers gave up the ghost this week. It was only a dollar, so I said that's what That Sprout would like. They paid for their things, and handed That Sprout two balloons, and me a bag full of cookie mixes. I tried to protest, but they said that it made their Christmas, as they had no one to buy for. I thanked them sincerely and after they left, I stood in that Dollar General and cried, feeling both grateful and unworthy.
This is what Christmas is supposed to be about. Helping people, and loving kindness, and the JOY of giving. Before you think that I am some kind of Scrooge, let me say this: I LOVE giving gifts. I take great pride and pleasure in finding the perfect thing for each and every person on my list. I don't care for wish lists as I like being surprised as well as surprising other people when it comes to gifts. Sadly, in these lean times, that joy has been taken from me as a result of financial straights. If I had a dedicated discretionary account for family Christmas gifts, you could call me Ms. Kringle. But I don't, and it gets really disheartening giving things that you know are unwanted or not that great because you can't afford anything else.
However, after the events at Dollar General, I went to Goodwill and Dollar Tree with a new perspective. I realized that it really is the thought that matters. So what if we are the poorest monsters on Sesame Street? I am making those cookies, and a lot more cookies to boot. I've got 20 pounds of flour and sugar sitting in my pantry, and frankly, I could use the space. I am either making something useful for everyone on my list, or I am giving a used item. I found some great books and DVDs at the Goodwill for super cheap, and I found the perfect thing for my sister at Dollar Tree. In all, I spent less than $60. I will likely spend a little more on butter, eggs, and some other small things, but I am not going to break the bank.
I refuse to be stressed out about the gift giving anymore. I refuse to let myself feel unworthy because we can't give the same as everyone else. Maybe one day, when I have a paying job, I will spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on Christmas. This year, we don't have it, and I refuse to be ashamed of that. We are doing the best we can, and in a lot of ways, we are doing better than most. It would be nice if everyone could get on board with a non-consumer Christmas so I don't feel so Pollyanna, but that is most likely too much to ask. I am tired of feeling like I have to keep up with the Joneses. I am going to enjoy making the gifts this year, I am going to enjoy baking cookies and making candy, and I am going to give the fruits of my labor joyfully. Whether or not my efforts are appreciated remains to be seen, and I don't own that problem anyway.
I realize now, that the biggest mistake I made in all of this was capitulating by offering a wish list. In the future, I hope to be able to request a donation to a worthy cause instead. The money that will be spent on me could have funded a Deep Kid next semester. I am kind of ashamed that I didn't tell them that. There's always next year though. Meanwhile, I am going to try to keep the focus on That Sprout, The Beans, j^C., and our family celebration. We tried to call of Christmas. Maybe if we keep trying, eventually it will work. Until then, all we can do is cooperate, but we're doing it on our terms.
Today's FPN Extended Play Advent Calendar selection is New Kids on the Block's 1989 Christmas single "This One's For the Children". Isn't that what this time of year is really supposed to be about?
I point to my voicemail greeting and Quentin Crisp: Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level, it's cheaper.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you have a goal and direction that will work for you. It shouldn't be all that time consuming either since you can make the dough for a batch ahead and stick it into the icebox. Mix and bake while That Sprout is snoozing. Easy as cake/pie/cookies and other baked goods.
However, being that it is the season, I would beware of Gremlins if I were you though.
Love that line Joey.
ReplyDeleteI would like to add that I personally have always preferred effort over material substance. I'm not sure if I am the only one that feels that way, but I'd rather have an email from a friend I haven't heard in awhile or a hand made card that should only costs pennies to make than something purchased at a store. To me, the stuff at the store is just more crap. Who needs it? In my opinion, companionship and effort are worth so much more.