Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Wednesday Reflections #7

I feel like the past week has been nothing but a blur. I am apologizing in advance for the lack of links.

Today marks the completion of the first week of Lent. I gave up meat (but not fish and shellfish), and I have been successful thus far. I am pretty proud of my accomplishment. I hope that when I have blood drawn in a few weeks I will find that my blood sugar and cholesterol are within acceptable parameters as a result. Just in case, I plan to start eating a whole lotta oatmeal in the meantime. Good thing I've devised ways to make it more palatable.

Last Wednesday was the first week of trivia without our pal Carl-Os. We did alright for ourselves, coming in second place. I think we need to draft some more people for our team though. Not everyone can make the weekly commitment, and we are hoping to win for the season. Winning feels good. It's a feeling I'm not accustomed to. I should have played more team sports as a kid . . .

Thursday was Valentine's Day, which was cold and rainy, but very nice. I went to my writing group and j^C went to rugby practice, but we reconvened afterward for chocolate covered strawberries and snuggles. It was nice.
Here we see Uranium J in her swell V-Day dress.
Friday was long. I got up early and made my way to Foxy Loxy in Savannah for a marathon lesson planning session with my new Deep partner. We critiqued, we planned, we were very cold. I enjoyed a cup of Mexican Mocha, which if you have never tried it, you should. It's pretty awesome. I also learned that you can have Horchata hot and/or with a shot of espresso. What?!?! Guess what I'll be trying tomorrow night?

Toward the end of the planning session, my new partner mentioned that our workshop was canceled this week. That is when I realized that sorting incoming emails into folders was a lousy idea. I hadn't gotten the memo. No matter, we are now a week ahead of schedule, and I like to be ahead of the game. It makes me feel competent.

At 2 we walked across the street to the Bull Street Library to attend an exclusive Deep Fellows Only lecture by Must Love Dogs author, Clair Cook. It was fun and informative, but I guess I felt like I was back in school because I took 5 or 6 pages of notes. What can I say? She was a fount of knowledge.
After that, I made my way back to Richmond Hill for dinner with the family at La Napolera. Veggie fajitas = De-lish. Also, Horchata. Yes, I think it is a proper noun. And what? Following dinner, the three of us went home where I proceeded to kill time before the FRG Ladies' Night at Midnight Star Pottery. I thought I had it all timed perfectly - I would leave the lecture, grab some dinner with j^C and That Sprout, and the head to the Ladies' Night. Perfect! Except I was off on the time by about an hour. Lame.

I finally made it to the pottery shop and while I would love to tell you that it was a fun night of fellowship, I mostly just felt awkward. There were many reasons for this, not the least of which being the fact that all their spouses had just deployed and mine didn't. I also think, upon further reflection that maybe volunteering with Deep has lulled me into a false sense that I am competent in social situations.

When I am around Deep Fellows, we all have writing in common. While we are all vastly different peopl with a wide range of interests and tastes, we all just kind of tend to get along. If nothing else, we are sharing the experience of teaching a bunch of middle schoolers how to be great writers. It binds us.

Now, you would think that military wife-dom would have the same effect, and maybe for most people it does. For me though, even when I'm trying to assimilate I come away from the situation feeling very much like a square peg. I'm willing to admit that a lot of these feelings could be in my head or problems I'm creating for myself. I don't know. I know I don't like it, and it makes me sad. I've accepted the fact that j^C ain't quitting the Army any time soon, so I have adopted the "If you can't beat em', join em'!" attitude. I just wish I didn't feel so different. Everyone wants a tribe, and in this one, I'm left feeling like Wiglaf - an interloper.

Saturday was spent at home with That Sprout while j^C went to play rugby in the freezing rain. We snuggled and read books while he toiled in the mud. I made the right decision, I feel. I felt particularly accomplished in my lounging as I finally read John Fowles' The Collector from cover to cover. Ho. Lee. Shit. Go read it. Now. Just go. It was incredible. Seriously.

After that, I began reading a book about the alleged Black Dahlia killer, who may have also been The Zodiac Killer and a host of other serial killers who remained at large. I've yet to really get into it though. Hopefully, I'll finish it by this time next week - I have a lot of reading I'd like to get done in short order. Also, I would like to drop this book in the care package for Carl-Os, as it's right up his ally.

About that care package . . . I am sorry to say that it remains unsent. It's on the "To Do" list for the coming week. I so desperately want to fill it with some retail therapy, but you can't bleed a turnip. That means I'm going to have to get creative about it.

I don't really remember Sunday . . . I think we spent the day in bed.

On Monday, That Sprout went to daycare and j^C and I went to lunch, the mall, and to the discount bookstore. Since all of the books were under $2, I had a little shopping spree at the bookstore, which is why I need to get to reading. The "To Read" pile is getting a little too tall. After we picked That Sprout up from daycare, we took her to play at McDonald's where she had a massive fecal incident. I have begun to suspect that she's become lactose intolerant, so that's fun!

Yesterday was long and frenzied. I fueled myself with very strong French Press coffee and set to work cleaning and undercutting my house. I am proud to say that I have finally taken down the Christmas tree and most of our Christmas supplies are safely packed away in a box, but that's as my successes go. But! I hope that this is only the beginning and by the time my birthday rolls around I will have made a significant dent in the problem. It would be nice to live in a clean and uncluttered house. I haven't had that since I lived in the dorms at college. Wouldn't it be wonderful? Yes it would.

There are two other successes I would like to announce for this week:
  • I set connected my broken laptop to the new monitor I received for Christmas. Now I can work on the blog, writing, and school work while standing and That Sprout can't hassle me. Exciting stuff!
  • I have lost most of my holiday weight. Another 2 pounds will see me at my pre-Thanksgiving weight. This is awesome. I would like to thank Deep, sectarianism, and strong coffee for this success.
 Chirst and Moses, that was a lot!

I saw a whole bunch of these little guys at the gas station on V-Day.
Here's one.

How has your week been? Do you feel like you've gotten a lot done or have you been impersonating a sloth? Do you ever feel like you are the odd man out? What do you do when that happens? Let me know in the comments!

Monday, February 18, 2013

Waiting

I am tired of waiting.

I feel like I have been sitting in Purgatory for YEARS, and I am done. On the smallish end of things, I'm tired of waiting for TV Mania's album to finally be released. On the larger side, I'm tired of waiting on adulthood to dawn on me. I have many adult things: child, husband, car, college degree, debt, and a therapist. And yet, I have yet to fully feel like an adult. Maybe this is true for everyone. 

Somewhere in between the album releases and adulthood, there's this other thing I'm waiting for. I've waited patiently for quite a while, but it's yet to arrive. I'm sorry to be so cryptic about what it is, but I must keep it secret - keep it safe. But right now, more than anything else, I'm tired of waiting for it. I wish it would come already. Then I could get on with the rest of my life.

I am Gatsby waiting, watching - yearning after the green light at the end of Daisy's dock.

And no, it's not my period. This is all.


Are you waiting on anything at the moment? Do you feel like an adult? Let me know in the comments. I am interested to know if this feeling is universal.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Friday Free For All: Ladies and Gentlemen, Lenny Bruce

I have no idea why this came to me this morning, but I thought about it, and I thought I would share it for all of you who spent last night alone. Take heart - Valentine's Day is only once a year. I still love you, and I promise you won't always be all alone.


How did you spend your V-Day? Do think it's a sham, or do you look forward to next year already? Let me know in the comments!



Thursday, February 14, 2013

You Don't Know What It's Like

Salvador Dali - Don Quijote
I want to tell ya'll about toe socks.

It all started in August - maybe September of 2000 with a pair of neon rainbow toe socks when I saw a sad eyed boy across the lunch room and decided that someone who looked that good had no business looking that sad.

I want you know that my love for you is abiding and unconditional. I get so mad at you at times, as I'm sure you do with me, but it's not for stupid and petty reasons. Selfish ones, maybe - but only because your pain is my pain. Your sorrow is my sorrow and your failure cuts me to the core. I can't stand to see you in pain, or to think that somehow something I could have done or said might have prevented some physical or emotional hurt.

I walk each and every day in this life with you not because I want to - though I do want to, and not because I choose to, though I would choose if given a choice. I walk each day in this life with you because I have to - I have no other choice. To divorce myself from the sound of your voice and the thought of your very existence would be the worst kind of slow death I can fathom. I would simply wither and fade from loneliness and despair. You complete me - before I knew you I think I was truly un-whole. You have brought forth the very best of me and you know me better than I know myself.

I am so thankful everyday for every minute we speak and every moment we have shared in what others might perceive as idle foolishness. What they didn't know is that these moments were pivotal in our young lives. We were hard at work pushing one another to our greater selves. We were deep in the act of becoming. We still are. We haven't yet become what it is that we are to be, but I know that me without you and you without me will never see the thing through to the end.

I need you more than I have every needed anyone or anything. You are my soul mate and the truest most selfish/selfless love I have ever known. You are the apple of my eye and the grain in my coffee. You are the knower of my thoughts and the finisher of my sentences. You are the brother I always wanted and should have had. You are the best friend I dreamed of. You knew me even before I knew myself. You have never failed me, forsaken me, forgotten me, or given up on me. You have never purposefully hurt me - a great distinction that few can claim. You are the keeper of memories and moments. Sharer of ice cream and divider of donuts. You are the stuffer of napkins who keeps me accountable for all my stupid schemes and dumb ideas. You are the Ethel to my Lucy. You are my Sancho Panza as I go tilting at windmills once more. You are the Louis de Contes to my Joan of Arc. You are the Stitch to my Lilo. Without you, I am halved. I am diminished.

You are the keeper of the secrets and the only one on earth who knows nearly as much of the truth (and maybe more) than I do myself. I love you dearly - madly. Though we may at any time be parted by land or sea, we are never apart, for I carry you with me in the stories we've built together. You live in my laughter, which I think is a rather nice place to be. Though I do not dwell on it, I dread the day when more than geography takes you from me and in that moment, I can only hope that you are wrong about eternity and that death comes for me in swift order because I can't bear the thought of walking this world without you.


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Wednesday Reflections #6 - A Lot of Firsts

A bulleted list might be in order here. No links. No pics. Down and dirty. (You know that's the way you like it!)

This week I . . . 

  • Rode an emotional roller coaster of "Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye."
  • Ate curry-wurst for the first time (highly recommend).
  • Held my first ever Mary Kay facial class (success!!!).
  • Went to my first ever Rugby game (and was almost hit in the teeth with a foul ball - lame).
  • Went to church.
  • Made a new friend at church.
  • Wasted A LOT of gas.
  • Led my first Deep Workshop of the Spring Semester.
  • Had a long pow-wow with Deep Programs Manager about what else I can do for Deep.
  • Had a pap smear.
  • Had an eye exam.
  • Saw Dr. Harris for a med check.
  • Got a shot.
  • Talked to Dr. P about genetic testing for breast and ovarian cancers (very emotional).
  • Also talked to Dr. P about referral to nutritionist.
  • Watched video by friend about her weight loss journey, was inspired, and cried.
  • FINALLY began reading a fiction book, The Collector by John Fowles.
  • Made dinner for the week (Tuna Noodle Cozzerole - YUM!).
  • Made oatmeal cookies (FAIL).
  • Drank currant wine.
  • Watched House of Cards. All of it.
  • Made Peanut Butter Protein Balls.
  • Sent memo to FRG leader about planning events (and felt very important in doing so).
  • Made and stuck to a to-do list and stayed (mostly) on track.
  • Celebrated Mardi Gras with 2 donuts, an iced coffee, and a mini cannoli.
  • Lit candles and thought good thoughts.
  • Tried very hard to practice compassion and loving kindness.
  • Was proactive.
  • Made Rice Crispy Treats (non-FAIL).
  • Began my teacher certification courses.
This week I did not . . . 
  • Exercise enough.
  • Eat well.
  • Gain weight.
  • Blog enough.
  • Have a nervous breakdown (only little tears).
  • Get enough sleep thanks to That Sprout and over-consumption of caffeine. 
  • Feel shitty about myself (thank you  Carl-Os, DPMS, and Mojo JoJo).
  • Write as much as I would have liked.
  • Wallow in longing and resentment.
Needless to say, it has been a busy week.

What did you do this week? Was it busy of slow? How do you make your use of time productive? Are there any items on my bulleted list you want to know more about? Discuss in the comments, dear friends and gentle readers!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Friday Free For All - FPN Link Love

You know, the Nuge is growing on me.
Aaaaand I haven't bothered to make anything better . . .


It's been a hectic week here at the FishForest house. I've got some great things in store for you all in the coming week, but for now I'm really tired and I need a little "me time" before I head to Hinesville this evening. j^C, That Sprout, and I are going to be eating delicious German food and saying goodbye to a favorite FishForest family friend. Goodbyes suck, but at least it's not forever and it's giving us an excuse to hit up Zum Rosenhof. I certainly hope that Saurbraten in on the menu tonight. I bet you guys never thought German food would be the silver lining, huh?

Meanwhile, while I am resting, eating, crying, and saying goodbye - again - you all can click on these fantastic links I found on the interwebs over the last week or so. Good things, I assure you. Happy reading.

Also, if you are at all spiritual, say a prayer or think a kind thought about everyone on Magical Mystery Tours right now, okay? Thanks. :-)

This article is ME. Read it, and you shall know the inner machinations of Uranium J. It's so great, I'm just gonna link the excerpt:



A guest post over at Yes! and Yes! that was friggin' awesome.

A great way to help end hunger. You better believe I'm doin' it, once I'm gainfully employed.

I LOVE THIS BLOG! We are same-same.

A fan-tab-u-lous piece of advice about getting the most out of life.


Some great Valentine's Day gifts on the cheap.

Three words: Travel Snack Kit.

Because I am still on a Michael Collins kick, this is a great metal song about The Big Fellah (although I don't agree with their stance).

For those getting married (and to brag about my beautiful pal X-ine's (e'erbody gets a cute blog name!) wedding) here's a link full of rainbows, baseballs, and LOTS of LOVE!

A great post on my all time favorite blog, about misconceptions of sociopaths







Thursday, February 7, 2013

"I Love Things!" Thursdays - The One With the Cheapness

Alright ya'll, this is gonna be quick and dirty.


1. The Writing
I don't believe in pencils. Or spiral notebooks. More on that later. Source
I have written more since the beginning of the year than I wrote in all of 2012, maybe even all of 2011 and 2012 combined. I have been very reflective, and as such I have a lot to say, but I've also been so motivated by the people I know in Deep. Being around like minded people has really gotten the creative juices flowing in my little lizard brain. In addition to my Deep people, I've had the opportunity to engage with some really inspiring people lately and nothing makes me want to write more than long and interesting conversations. They exercise my brain. I'm gettin' gains. So thanks to all those people who've been indulging me in conversations about tinfoil spaceships, Milton, Dante, and Jonathan Edwards. I've got a lot to write about, lemme tell you.

2. 2 for $1 Black Eyeliner
But soon, dear children, I'll be upgrading to Mary Kay eyeliner.
Like a boss. Source
This is kind of silly, but I lose eyeliner pencils like some people lose pens. It's nice to know that I can head down to my brand new, local Family Dollar and pick up two for a buck. Also, stationary for a dollar? Yes please. Maybe I'm more excited about the Family Dollar than the eyeliner itself. Because I am so classy.

3. Lizzy Crickets
It's not as insipid as it looks. Source
This is just another jumpy bounce house, but I love it because it's in Hinesville, it's small, and That Sprout will actually  go play in there without me having to follow her around. This I like. I can then take a seat at the parents table and get some writing done. It doesn't hurt that this place is pretty darn cheap. I like cheap. I shop at Family Dollar, remember? The other great thing is the location. I don't like to go to Hinesville if I can help it. The only reason to go is Uncommon Grounds and it seems pretty silly to drive half an hour for a cup of coffee. I mean, it's a great cup of coffee, but still. Now, I can take That Sprout to jump, write for an hour or so, and then hit the coffee shop on the way home. Genius, I know.

4. Michael Collins
I want him for my daguerreotype boyfriend.  Source
I have loved Michael Collins since the ninth grade, but I love so many things, you see, that my passion and fervor for each one tends to wax and wane. Presently my love for Michael Collins is waxing. A great man who did great things for Ireland, Michael Collins was a hero and a martyr. Although he looked very fine in that military uniform up there he was so much more than that. He was a diplomat and a brilliant strategist at guerrilla warfare. That man, dear friends and gentle readers, was able to bring England to her knees and secure a free state for Ireland. Sure, that's what eventually got him killed, what with the IRA wanting a united Ireland and all, but I believe that he did the best he could with what he had to work with. He did more than anyone else had up to that point. Sadly, all his troubles wound eventually cost him his life. There's so much more I could say, but I'm in a hurry. I love Ireland and I love Mick Collins.

5. Nelly - Country Grammar
Sometimes I just need to bask in the glory that is The Dirty South. Today was one of those days. If you don't believe me, listen to "Batter Up". It'll turn your frown upside down. Gay-run-teed.