Sunday evening coming down, and I wrote something this evening. I don't think it needs to see the dark of night right now, but, in the interest of consistency, I will leave you all with a thought and a song. And a thought on that song.
Thought: I would give almost anything to have a friend I could meet in the middle of the night at the Waffle House for coffee and deep conversations about everything and nothing.
Song:
Thought on Song:
"This desire to possess her is a wound
And its naggin' at me like a shrew
But, I know that to possess her
Is therefore not to desire her
Then ya know
That lil' girl would just have to go"
Cave sings these lyrics telling the listener that his desire is more pleasurable than the fulfillment of that desire. I can relate. It's lovely wanting something very badly.
Now, in the song the speaker is obsessive. I like to think that I am not Nick Cave levels of crazy. Instead, I feel that the pleasure I derive from desire comes from the knowledge that the idea is always better than the manifestation of that idea. Plato tells us that ideas are perfect, but the moment they take form they lose their previous perfection.
This is more or less exactly how Plato's Realm of Forms and Ideas was explained to me in college. Why is always a table?
Therefore, my desire, be it for a situation, a conversation, or a possession will most likely always be better in my head than it could ever be in reality. Sometimes, I'd like to prove the theory correct though. I would love to go for coffee right now and have a real conversation instead of the imaginary ones I have been having in my head. I want to go drown in burning pools of coffee.
I am manic right now, I think. I don't care if I ever sleep again.
j^C and I went to Oktoberfest in Savannah this afternoon with Carl-os. It left something to be desired, so we went to The Bier Haus instead. The food and beer was delish. I had the opportunity to have long and somewhat awkward conversation with Carl-os about Daikatana and some other writing projects I had shelved. Maybe I'll unshelve them soon. NaNoWriMo approacheth. After dinner, the three of us met Woman of Steele to watch Gravity at the IMAX theater. The movie was beautiful. I'm using that word a lot lately, but I am finding beauty in unexpected places. This was my first IMAX experience and it was really cool. I am still not a fan of 3D, but as Carl-os pointed out, this was a great movie to have done it with. I just feel weird always trying to focus my eyes. I gives me motion sickness. Seriously though, if you get the chance, I strongly encourage you to go see Gravity. As my therapist would say, it was life affirming.
In other news, I discovered that someone I already love is a really fantastic writer. I read a piece he'd written and it was deep: vivid, unique, and fearless. While it was a really heart-wrenching thing to read, I was so happy that he'd shared it with me - that I might share it with another friend who is going through a similar situation. I hope his words are of some comfort to her.
This is why we share our stories, after all, and the purpose behind FPN. Telling our stories to others creates intimacy in any relationship and I like to think that I am not friends with people I do not want to be emotionally intimate with. If you cannot be your raw, uncensored, authentic self with your friends, you have to wonder "what is a friend?"
I think that most people find it a lot easier to be physically intimate with someone than to be emotionally vulnerable. It's easier to bear your body than to bear your soul. I know - I struggle with it too. I think all of us want to be close to people, but we don't know how. Being open and honest can be kind of scary. You never know how people are going to react. It's a risky and front loaded venture.
Physical intimacy has a delayed kind of danger. There is the initial fear of rejection, but after that you get lost in the act. You feel good about making someone feel good. You feel wanted, needed, and powerful. But nothing lasts forever, and before long you're all alone again - feeling dirty and used, wondering what happened and how.
I don't like feeling like that anymore. I'm looking for something bigger. I crave meaning. I want relationships that matter. I've learned that those relationships are relatively few and I now realize that I am so fortunate to have what I view as more than my fair share. I have realized that I've been careless with my friends over the years. I don't want to be that way anymore. I might not have everything in life that I want right now, but I am so blessed to have the people I have in my life right now. I love them a lot. They make me feel loved, heard, and valued. I want to keep them around. I want our friendships to get deeper. Hence my fetish for intimacy.
I am so stupid tired right now, I'm not sure what my point here was. I guess just that I love my friends and I am especially impressed with my new writer friend's courage in being honest about something he has been through. I wish that everyone in my life could be so brave. I wish for a lot of things that I fear will never be. I wish I could say what I really think and feel. I'm just not sure what that is. All I know is that I feel like I'm drowning in something decadent and beautiful that leaves me gasping for air.
First of all, let me say that the "new definition" of literally is about to drive me to drink. One upon a time, this was the only definition:
lit·er·al·ly(ltr--l)
adv.
1. In a literal manner; word for word: translated the Greek passage literally.
2. In a literal or strict sense: Don't take my remarks literally.
3. Usage Problem
a. Really; actually: "There are people in the world who literally do not know how to boil water"(Craig Claiborne).
But now we live a world with this skullduggery:
I love the reporters in this video. Anyway, why the brief etymology lesson? Because I wanted to illustrate that 1) I know what the real definition of "literally" is, and 2) I am using mostly correctly in this post.
Sinead O'Connor. We know her. I love her. She's all indie, and angsty, and Irish. She had a mega hit in the early 90's with Prince's song "Nothing Compares 2 U". Then she ripped up a photo of the pope on SNL and quickly faded into relative obscurity. I'm sure that was fine with her as she was really unhappy with her record label trying to tart her up to sell records. And who can blame her? She looked fantastic in men's clothing and work boots. We should all be so lucky. Nevermind the fact that she could have probably worn a burlap sack and sold records because she's so freaking talented. She has influenced scads of female artists, including The Cranberries' Dolores O'Riordan, Alanis Morrisette, Liz Phair, and, allegedly, Miley Cyrus. It's good to be influential, right?
Maybe not so much.
Miley Cyrus told Rolling Stone when asked about her new, incredibly short hair style that it was an homage to O'Connor: "I wanted it to be tough, but really pretty - that's what Sinead did with her hair and everything." Okay Miley, that's cool. But, Sinead cut her hair (originally) as a protest against her record label trying to define her marketability by her comely appearance. Pretty didn't enter into it. Also, as far as I know, Sinead O'Connor never twerked.
Nope. Never would have happened.
Which brings us back to my use of "literally". Miley's infamous VMA performance had most people on the internet talking from day one. Mother Monster even weighed in on the matter. But, there were some voices that were quiet amid the fray. But when Sinead starts talking about your antics, you have achieved scandal saturation. And talk Sinead did in her 1000 word open letter to Miley this week.
If you have not read it, it was beautiful. READ IT .
Now, I don't agree 100% with O'Connor's sentiments in her letter, but I believe that her heart was in the right place. My issue is that Miley is 20, and maybe she likes to have sex. There's nothing wrong with her expressing that, and really I think that it says a lot about our culture that we are so shocked, offended, and maybe even afraid of a sexually liberated woman.
Furthermore, with the exception of licking the sledgehammer (Really Miley, why are you making out with a sledgehammer?), I think that the "Wrecking Ball" video was incredibly well done. Did Miley need to be naked on the wrecking ball? No. Was it well shot and classy? Yes. I think that it symbolized the vulnerability expressed in the lyrics. It wasn't like she was stripping or anything.
That said, I do agree with Sinead that there are probably a lot of men behind the scenes pulling the strings when it comes to how Miley presents herself. She claims that she's trying to sever herself from Hannah Montana. Okay. I get that. I wonder though, is Miley so unsure of her own talent that she truly believes she must resort to the stripper routine to achieve her goal? I think it's far more likely that she's going through her teenage rebellion a little late. There's no artistic or cultural relevance to her actions. She's just trying to piss off mommy and daddy. I don't have a problem with that.
I do have a problem with others exploiting her rebellion and profiting off of it. So does O'Connor. I fully believe that her letter was written with nothing but compassion and the best of intentions. If I were Miley Cyrus I would have been grateful to have received it. I would have read it, then I would have locked myself in the bathroom, had a long, hot bath, and thought about what I'd read.
It would have been like getting a letter from the
very cool and wise aunt I never had. Sinead, if you're looking for young women to mentor,
I'm available. Source.
I am not Miley Cyrus. She did not appreciate the letter, nor does it appear that she thought about said letter's contents. Instead, she turned into a mean girl and started mocking O'Connor's battle with mental illness and her infamous SNL performance (which was kind of awesome and a lot more meaningful than twerking).
I want to be on Team Miley. I really do. She is so talented, but she's so . . . common? Yeah, I think that's the word. Common. I don't know why she did what she did. Immaturity? Poor judgement? Intoxication? We could speculate all day. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that she chose to attack someone who tried to help her and she did it by mocking their very brave honesty about a struggle with mental illness. I wish more people could be that honest about their struggles and that brave about dealing with them. Hell, I wish I could be more open and honest about my own demons. I have nothing but admiration, love, and respect for anyone who is open and honest about their own personal struggles. Mental illness is not shameful. Neither is getting naked and dancing. But bullying? Yeah, that's never okay.
I'm glad to see that Sinead O'Connor has remained classy throughout this ordeal. We need more voices like hers out there. I wonder what Lady Gaga thinks of this mess?
(Aside: I might talk a lot about celebrities, but my personal heroes are the people in my life who persevere in the face of both mental and physical illness. (You all know who you are and I love you all so much!) Also, if you watch the video for "Nothing Compares 2 U", it's easy to see the influence in Miley's "Wrecking Ball" video, both in look and in the overall theme of the song. And lastly, "Yay Irish Artists!")
I spend a lot of time talking about movie stars, singers, writers, and a myriad of otherwise unimportant figures. Like, alot of time.
This image is not mine. It belongs to the wonderful Allie Brosh.
But did you know that I have some serious political, cultural, and social interests? Well, I do. Now you know.
Two of these interests were kindled last night when I had insomnia and decided that watching The Crying Game would be a great idea. I am so glad I did. I haven't seen that film since I was in high school. I forgot how beautiful it was and just what an incredible director Neil Jordan is. If you have never seen a Neil Jordan film you have been deprived. Go. Go now. There are five of his movies on Netflix even as we speak. There are not excuses. Be gone. Educate yourself.
I'll just watch Days of Our Lives while I wait. Is Stefano back? Source.
. . . He's just fabulous, isn't he? I'm so glad you agree. Now, about The Crying Game. I'm sure that's the movie you just watched, but just in case the one about the mermaid was too good to pass up, I'll summarize it for you:
I.R.A.
Irish Republican Brotherhood Óglaigh na hÉireann in the old language.
And Boy George.
There's a beautiful love story too, but that's not really important for our purposes. I like love stories, but I love talking Irish politics. But you know what? I tried to tell you all about it for the past several hours. It's kind of complicated. I cannot depend on you to know the context of things and I could seriously write a book on it. Consider this a warning that there are Irish Political History posts in our future.
Another of my interests: Kissing.
Need movie caliber kissing in my life, ASAP. Source
Enough of that for now though. Back to The Crying Game. Stephen Rea stars in it as an IRA soldier. Upon further research I discovered that Rea's connections to the IRA were more personal than the role that made him famous. Turns out that Dolours Price, the mother of his children was an IRA bomber (bombess?) who was sentenced to life in prison for trying to blow up the Old Bailey in 1973. Through some judicial magic she only served seven years of her sentence. After her release she went on to marry Rea, bear his children, and make quite a name for herself as an outspoken supporter of the Provisional Irish Republican Army. Then, in January of this year, she died quietly at her home. Meanwhile, her sister and co-conspirator is still in jail.
As for Rea, The Crying Game wasn't the only IRA related film he starred in over the course of career. I looked on IMDB and found that he had starred in at least 6 films that involved the IRA. Every other script might be "aging rock star" or "priest" nowadays, but it wasn't always so. I don't know about you, but if my wife was a terrorist, I might want to separate myself from the cause. Who knows, maybe that's what came between them after 17 years of marriage. Or, maybe she was just crazy and still wanted to blow things up. This shall remain a mystery.
And no matter what went wrong, I am so impressed by this picture.
Here we see Rea, who divorced Price in 2000 serving as a pall bearer
at her funeral. The two young men at the front of the casket are Rea
and Price's sons Oscar and Danny. Is this not the classiest thing you
have ever seen? Source.
Since I had insomnia last night, I was kind of a vegetable today. I lay on the couch all day and watched KinK, a Canadian TV show about S&M and Fetish lifestyles. It was riveting. I highly recommend it, especially the episodes involving David. I want to be his friend.
And while we're on the subject of kink, did everyone forget that
I was Santiago in Interview with the Vampire? They did, didn't they?
Well, for them, eternity in a box. Source.
Today was the first day of Deep. Tres exciting! I am at a new school with a new co-fellow and Things went really well. Almost too well . . . I feel like it's a trick. The kids were engaged, well behaved, and industrious. I didn't have to prod them to cooperate - they just did it. It was kind of scary. While I am so grateful to have a cooperative group, they were so intense. I think that our biggest challenge over the coming weeks is going to be getting them to loosen up. A challenge I gladly accept. At least this is a group that will be more receptive of the types of readings I would like to discuss. T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men" is so on the table right now. Can I get an "Amen"?
In other news, I saw my therapist in her new office today. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't like change. I did however like the buttery leather couch, so there's that. I also liked the fact that she is in the office space above the Savannah Senior Center. Maybe I can weasel my way into a position there over time. If nothing else, it's the best thing ever to get to pet a kitty in the lobby. I hope that's a recurring theme.
I feel like I'm having a hard time writing right now. I imagine that's because I am feeling very out of sorts. In an effort to address my cholesterol issue I started back on my weight loss and cholesterol medications today. I hate taking medications. They make me feel yuck. I was just not with it at all today. But! I persevered. I am here. I am writing. When this is done I will be doing some exercise and tending to some household chores. Hopefully I will get back into the swing of things soon enough. I would really love to be free of medications by 2015. I think that's a worthy goal. On the bright side, I was a model patient today and as far as I know I have not further exacerbated my nasal perforation. So, there's that.
I am also happy to report that I did not spend money needlessly on food while I was in Savannah today. I planned ahead and brought a bag full of food for my meals while I was out, and I only wound up eating half of what I had. Yay diet pills! Or, maybe Fox* (Fake Lox) is just filling. I am also pleased to report that my first Big Wednesday was more or less a success. I had critique group this morning, then my therapy appointment, followed by Deep, and finally trivia with j^C, Carl-os, That Sprout, and our new trivia pals, Man of Stroud and Woman of Steele. I think it went well and everyone seemed to have fun, so maybe this will be a thing. There was even talk of going to the Tybee Pirate Festival and to see The Silence of the Lambs at the Lucas Theater. A social life!
The biggest bummer of my day was the fact that my car, my house, and a whole lot of my things still reek of gasoline. I will be addressing this gas problem tomorrow when I take the car to get detailed. Yay. The unexpected upside of the day? Hyperbole and a Half updated. Also, the condom:
Foxy Loxy condom: Week 3
*Fox (Fake Lox)
Cook 1 cup Steel Cut Oats
Add:
- 2 servings Sharp
- 2 servings VERY GOOD OLIVE OIL
- Kosher Salt
- Cracked Pepper
Still well. Allow to cool completely. Cut into 2 halves. Top with 1 serving smoked salmon (not actual lox - it's good but waaaaaaaaaay too much salt), thin sliced red onion, tomato, cucumber, and capers. Eat with a fork and pretend it is a bagel with lox. Not nearly as good, but a decent substitute.
Oh look, it's October! As I'm sure you've guess, I've been on hiatus. Trying to regroup and decide what I really want out of this blog. I'm still not sure what the answer to that question is, but I know that I was taking things entirely too seriously. I think I might take most things entirely too seriously.
There are a great many things going on around here that I am taking seriously.
Septum perforation
Possible surgery to repair said perforation
The fact that my car reeks of 1 gallon (give or take) of gasoline
The government shutdown
These are all bad, crappy things that have happened over the past 24 hours. They are the cherry on the crap sundae that was September. I am hoping that October will be better, but given the above list, I have little hope. But! It is that special time of year when the days are shorter, the nights are cooler, and I find that I am on trend with my love of all things creepy.
So, I've been on vacation from the blog for the summer. What'dya want? Now I'm getting back into the swing of school/Deep/writing/blogging/life and to prove it, I've done something productive. I wrote my very first book review of Goodreads. It's not War and Peace but I'm pretty proud. I'm trying new things. It's a good thing. Check it out:
If you're looking for a romance novel that's fun, easy to read, and not smutty, "Her Mad Hatter" might be the book for you. The first in Marie Hall's "Kingdom" series, "Her Mad Hatter" tells the story of Alice Hu, a young woman who has been in love with Lewis Carroll's psychologically unbalanced 'hero' since childhood. Little does she know that the fictional character she daydreams about is real and he's spent centuries looking for her: "His Alice".
While I did enjoy the novel quite a bit I must point out that it is not without flaws. There were several typos and inconsistencies that I feel could have been corrected by a good copy editor. Maybe that's just my inner English teacher, but it did frustrate me as a reader.
The plot was simple which was a good thing, as I was looking for something I could easily escape into, but I was left with a lot of questions about The Hatter and Wonderland. I wish the author had taken as much time developing her hero as she did in creating her heroine. I feel the novel would have been greatly enriched if the author had taken the time to explore The Hatter's back story as well as Alice's.
He's been in Wonderland a long time. What does he do when he's not dealing with an Alice? Why is he so tortured? What has driven him mad? How does he know the work of Edgar Allen Poe? How is he older than the story that created him? Who is The Hatter? This I cannot tell you as in my eyes he remained almost entirely two dimensional.
Leonard the mouse could have been used to tell us more about The Hatter to great effect. He's supposed to be The Hatter's best friend, and yet we see him twice, and even then, only briefly. Unfortunately, this is the case with most of the characters. With the exception of Alice the cast is undeveloped, but none so glaringly so as The Hatter. I needed to know more about him, and a little more about Tabby, Leonard, Alice's family, and the situation with Alice's grandmother would have also helped to make this a fuller and richer narrative.
One thing the author did not neglect was the constant inner struggle of these characters. While I understand that this was in order to build dynamic tension, the whole "Will he? Won't he? Should I? Could I?" bit got a little old. I never really bought into the Hatter being Mad - he was just, as Alice says herself "damaged goods". I believe the author could have lightened up on the inner turmoil of these two by adding more outer conflict between them. There was a lot of internal dialogue without a lot of action.
However, I did really enjoy the book. I was especially taken with the scene where the Hatter lead's Alice through Wonderland to his home, and then through the winding corridors to her room. I found it to be totally engrossing. I also enjoyed the romance aspect of the story because despite my protestations, I am a hopeless romantic. While I would have liked some variety of language regarding the physical manifestations of arousal (there just aren't that many ways to describe being turned on, are there?) I appreciated the fact that the lusty parts punctuated the story instead of being the whole story.
All in all, it was a fun read and I will be reading the rest of the series some time in the future. My biggest complaint is that I just wanted to know more about the characters, large and small.
t
r-
)
