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| And not in the manner of Judas Rockin' Priest, either. (Source) |
Yes, I have become a hardened criminal. I know not right from wrong. I am beyond redemption. Incarceration or annihilation are the only options for a criminal such as I.
What have I been doing you ask?
Apparently, this road that I go down on the way home from picking That Sprout up from school is closed from 3:15 to 4:15 Monday through Friday. Because the children. Okay, fine, whatever. There was a sign. I never saw the sign, but I was wrong and I shouldn't have been using the road during that time. Got it. The residents of this idyllic little street flagged me down and let me know of my error and all was resolved.
Oh wait. No. That didn't happen. That's right. It was the crossing guard who did it because that's his job. To keep the kids safe and to inform ignorant motorists such as myself of the traffic laws.
Wait. No. That didn't happen either . . .
Oh yeah, now I remember what happened!
Someone called the cops on me.
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| Ekk! It's the fuzz! (Source) |
So there I was, going about my usual afternoon routine of taking this street to get home when who should I find laying in wait for me but a Sheriff's Deputy. I wasn't sure at that point what the deal was, so I waited for him to approach the car. It was at that point that he told me that the road was closed during that time and it dawned on me what happened.
"So they called the cops on me?"
"Well, it wasn't necessarily you, ma'am."
Sure it was, because I just moved here and I'm the only driver to ignorant to know that the stupid road is closed.
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| And here I thought Molly-Gator was the only criminal in the family. |
Now, I'm not mad at the cop. He was nice and he was just doing his job. I'm mad at all those people who I saw standing out in the street who never bothered to try and tell me I was doing something wrong and then called the cops on me. And the crossing guard! Oh, the crossing guard! There was one morning when I was sitting in my car next to that guy for like five minutes because the traffic was so heavy and he never once offered to get out of his cozy little truck, tap on my window, and politely say, "Excuse me madam, I'm not sure if you're aware, but this road is closed during this time for the safety of the children walking over to the school." And I would have gasped and said "My lands! I had no idea! I'm so sorry, you won't see me here again." And that would have been that.
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| "Who, me?" |
But confrontation is hard and scary when everyone you encounter could potentially be packing heat, so it was easier just to call the heat on me I suppose. What a bunch of cowards. And they all had Trump/Pence signs in their yards. They lack the courage of their convictions. As for me, my only regret is the choice words I uttered within hearing distance of my child as I carefully backed my car all the way back up the street since I dared not try and turn around in one of these fine Christians' yards. When I got to the end of the street, I finally saw the sign, and yes it was there, but it wasn't the most obvious sign I ever saw, and coming from the direction I was coming from, it wasn't like I was going to see it unless I was looking for it. I was positioned so that you'd really only notice it if you were looking at it head on.
No matter. Today I went on a quest to find a new way to get home after school and avoid turning left. I wound up getting lost in there, I never found the right hand turn I was looking for, and every house I saw seemed to have a Trump/Pence sign prominently displayed on the lawn. I've never seen such horrifying Halloween decorations. There's a part of me that really doesn't want that take That Sprout trick-or-treating because I don't want to see just how many of these houses there are. But I'll go and maybe this will be the first Halloween in many years where I'm actually afraid.
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