Wherein Uranium J Was Killed by Noxious Gas

The CIA is currently reviewing my application.
I hope to work in  Lebanon. 

I have been making even more changes here at First Person Narrative. You might have noticed that I now have a Twitter account? I don't know what I think about it just yet, but I am pretty excited to be following Simon LeBon on there. Everybody is somebody's fangirl, right? Oh, if only Nick Rhodes had a Twitter as well, all would be right with the world. Peace would guide the planet and love would steer the stars. I've also changed my little blurb and my about page. I'm really trying to bring some focus to the content around here. Ironic, since today's topic has bugger-all to do with anything. Still, I thought it was funny, so here we are. It's still a first person narrative, is it not? (Now you see why I picked such a vague concept - I can justify writing about almost anything as long as it's and "I" story. Tricky, tricky.)

I have not written about it in quite some time, but Cody is still sickly. He's been having a terrible case of intestinal difficulties as of late, which includes some paint peeling gas. He was sitting under the desk today as I was working on some blog related things when I was hit with a cloud of stink. Methane gas, in large quantities, will in fact kill you. I think he's trying to do me in with his fumes. I don't know what I did to him, exactly, but he needs to take his stinky butt somewhere else. The Gator may be wiley, but at least she doesn't smell bad.

Today atrocities ran rampant in our household. Not only is the dog trying to gas us all out; That Sprout has been trying to forcibly penetrate us all - With her binkie. She's been double fisting them all day, and while she's sucking on one she's trying to cram another into j^C's mouth. When I came to intervene, I fell victim as well. Before long, she had us all sucking on binkies like we were a family of Adult Babies. Don't picture that, you'll never sleep again. Perhaps Cody's stink is a defense mechanism. She has yet to accost him or Molly-Gator. The smell dispensary is at face level for her so maybe she doesn't want to get too close.

j^C and I have decided that it may be time to call the Hague. Surely the gas attacks and the forced binkie consumption are crimes against humanity. The U.N. must have something to say about all of this. Or maybe we can bottle Cody's chemical weapon and sell it the military. Yeah. That's the ticket. The Sprout will have to stand trial though or she'll never learn that "No" means "No". I imagine a sentence of earlier bed times might rehabilitate her nicely.

Do you have any opinions on pushy toddlers or dog farts? Let me hear them! Also, what do you all think of the changes I've been making? Are you on Twitter? Who do you follow? What or who are you a fangirl of? Comment! I command you!