"I Love Things!" Thursdays - The One with Equal Rights n' Junk

I have to focus on the positive, lest I be swallowed up whole by the negative. So, I bring you once again,

1) Stephen Fry

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I love this man. He is a comedian, a scholar, a great humanitarian, and most importantly, a seemingly really down to earth human being. I love the many things he's worked on in his career such as A Bit of Fry and Laurie, Blackadder, and Wilde. As a matter of fact, it was through that last project that I became fully aware of who Mr. Stephen Fry was, as I saw the film at the height of my Oscar Wilde obsession. If you have not seen Wilde, then you need to stop whatever you are doing at this moment and go watch it. Seriously, go. I'll wait . . . Now, do you see? Wasn't that the most heart rending and beautiful portrayal of a troubled, brilliant, and complex character that you ever did see? And that Jude Law as Boisie - Wow. I think he go typecast as "bitchy twink" early on in his career. Glad to see that a couple of Michael Caine remakes allowed him to expand his repertoire. He's not important right now though; we're talking about Stephen Fry. A man who is a kind as he is smart, as articulate as he is funny. A man who has been very public about his personal struggles with manic depression and coming to terms with his sexuality. A finer living human being I cannot at this moment name. That's how great I think he is. If I could have someone in my life to serve as a father figure I only hope he is half the man that Stephen Fry is.

2) George Takei

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Geek. Star Trek alumnus. Champion for equal rights. Really funny guy. Possibly a little crazy. These are all reasons why I love George Takei. He is always putting something funny up on his facebook and I need that on days when the sneaky hate spiral starts to get me down. I also love how much he seems to love an support his friends. He posts birthdays and new project announcements. He doesn't have to, but he does. Also, he uses social media for good, not evil. (I will address this further in #3). He is a great example of the type of online presence I hope to some day be. What a great role model.

3) Internet Love for EQUALITY v DOMA/PROP H8

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It does my little liberal heart good to see facebook flooded with pink equal signs on a red field. Thank you George Takei for making me aware of the new logo - I changed my profile picture immediately. This is it. The people are speaking. While I have mixed feelings about the genesis of The Defense of Marriage Act*, I believe 100% that an aspect of someone's person hood need not be up for debate. I am so glad to see that people have come out in droves to support this cause. Maybe if we can resolve this issue the law makers can  focus their attention on our coffers instead of our bedrooms.

*It was and is completely unconstitutional because it in direct opposition to The Full Faith and Credit Clause as it is outlined in the United States Constitution but I feel that perhaps Clinton had to give in on something at the time in order to gain something else politically, like decreasing military spending in order to balance the budget. I do not believe Clinton wanted to do it, but it was politics as usual and I can see how it would have been a very hard but neccessary choice as I believe that the "Moral Majority" were in control of the house and the senate at the time. I'll check some history books and get back to you on it. My point is, like the Irish Free State, DADT and DOMA were stepping stones to where we are today, at least this is what I believe. 

4) Weird Al Yankovic and Family

The Photo is Property of Adam Rouska Source

Is this not the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your entire life? Mojo Jojo posted this on my facebook wall and I think I just about cried. I have loved Weird Al since the 4th grade. I had 3 or 4 Bad Hair Day tapes because I played them so much that the tape shredded. Al, geek extraordinaire, comedian, human rights activist, and apparently all around nice guy is pictured here with his stunning wife and daughter in protest of Prop 8. I am astounded. I have fallen in love with the man all over again. Not only do I appreciate the sentiment, but I love the classy way in which this photo was executed. The whole family is there, showing solidarity, but the daughter's face is buried between mom and dad in order to not focus on her or bring her unwanted and unneeded exposure. Yet another thing that brought joy and sunshine into my life this week.  Can I also say that I love how beautiful his wife is rocking the natural hair color? I was not at all exageratting when I said that I think she is stunning.

5) Candace Gingrich-Jones

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See that woman right there? Yeah, in 2003, in the DC headquarters of the HRC, I met her. I spoke to her. I shook her hand. I even put the picture in my senior yearbook, so proud was I that I met her. Who is she? She's Newt Gingrich's little sister, a lesbian and a tireless activist for equal rights. I remember seeing her on TV when I was a kid and Newt was Speaker of the House. I always thought she was just incredible. And I met her, people. She was awesome, and again, so down to earth and humble. Great people are great. She's an inspiration, not only on the equal rights front, but for me to know that I too can be great someday, and with my non-profit work, maybe I already am.

And now, since I'm on about equal rights, a song about transgender women. Why? Because we all deserve equal rights, (and because I fucking love Antony Hegarty of Antony and the Johnsons).

I wish Candy Darling were still here . . . 

I that not the most beautiful woman you have ever seen?
Photo property of Peter Kujar Source

Wednesday Reflections #8 - The Joys of Mental Illness

After Christmas, unbeknownst to me, I went into a six week long manic episode. It wasn't of the reckless, overspending, drinking, drugging, fucking variety - it was one wherein I felt like I was goal oriented, on task, and acting like an adult. I was oscillating between obsessions: Duran Duran, Christian Slater, and someone who should remain nameless as they are a real life acquaintance. I was writing a lot, and it was in this time that I decided to go back to school for my teaching certification. I was looking forward to starting school, beginning the spring semester of Deep, working with our new writing workshop, and continuing on my Couch to 5K program. I felt very motivated and in control.

Don't judge me.
Larry belonged to Central Florida
before he belonged to the world.

All of that came crashing down on February 15, at approximately 8 PM. After a very long day of lesson planning with my Deep co-teacher and attending an exclusive Deep Fellows Only lecture by Claire Cook (author of Must Love Dogs) I spent a couple of hours with j^C and That Sprout before heading to the first post-deployment FRG Social Event: Pot Luck and Pottery Painting. I was feeling kind of overwhelmed after the long day, ashamed for not having cooked anything for the pot-luck (I brought hummus and pita chips), and I was feeling sort of guilty for being the only one there who's husband had not deployed. (I later found that last one not to be true, but still, it's not a nice feeling to be in a room where everyone is kvetching that their man is toiling in the sun and sand while yours is at home drinking beer and tending to your kid.)

Even still, I was excited to get to meet some of the other wives. I was still in "super motivated mode", so I was hoping we could discuss some events or projects I could host or help organize. I was also looking forward to seeing the people who own the pottery shop, as they are two of my myriad sundry business owner friends in town. I painted a lot of pottery when I was pregnant.

I got to the event and realized that 1) my owner friends were not there, 2) me and the girl running the shop were the only people who had ever been inside the shop before and knew how things worked, and 3) I really didn't want to be there. I tried to make myself useful by telling people where the pottery prices were and how to get their paint. I began to feel paranoid. I'm still not sure if it's true or not, but I felt like I sounded like a snotty know it all. Then there were several instances wherein I stuck my foot in my mouth. I didn't feel very included in the conversation. It was like being an interloper at the cool kids table. Once again, I was a square peg.

The Paint is over there! Source

I left feeling very dejected. Depressed. Overwrought. Anxious.

The next day, I stayed home with That Sprout while j^C played rugby in the rain. I read all of John Fowles' The Collector. I tried to assemble Carl-os' care package. But mostly, I just felt really terrible. I kept replaying things over in my head. I began second guessing things that had nothing to do with the FRG.

The anxiety persisted into the next week, but I tried to stay on top of things. The straw that broke the camel's back was on Thursday when I realized that the serial killer I was going to write about didn't exist. I snapped. I was done. I didn't care anymore. I more or less disengaged for 2 weeks.

That would have been fine and well and good under normal circumstances. If I hadn't set up so many commitments for myself, I could have let the depression run it's course. There was only one problem with that: teacher certification courses have due dates, and mine were fast approaching. On the last day of February, I completely lost my shit and went into a full on panic attack. I had not been to sleep because I worked on my classes all night long. I had to lesson plan that day with my co-teacher, I had a meeting about the workshop, and then I had to try and make it to workshop that night. In between, I had a therapy appointment, wherein I cried and cried. I don't even remember what was said or if anything was resolved, I just know that I have felt much better since then.

Yes.

I am slowly getting back to where I feel like I am in control. To quote one of the Deep Kids from last semester "I am a young, productive lady for the future". I know it sounds cheesy, but I am really trying to focus on replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations. I am listening to my body. I am still abstaining from meat. I am counting calories. That last one makes me really bitter sometimes, but I am seeing weight loss, so it must be working. I am working to make more time for meditation and movement, two things that are seriously lacking in my life. I started Deepak Chopra's 21 Day Meditation Challenge on Saturday, and I feel like it's doing some good. I striving to find balance. I know that without mood stabilizers mine is destined to be an up and down life, but I believe that lifestyle and attitude changes can make the ride manageable instead of unbearable.

Me on a good day. Source

It is my sincerest hope that I can finally get Carl-os' package in the mail this week, as well as some things to Mojo Jojo and Captain Tesla. In short, the above was my explanation of why I've been absent again. I was depressed. I was panicking. I couldn't hack it. I'm back now, hopefully for a while this time.

For more about what this feels like for me, see This is Why I'll Never Be an Adult the comic from which I stole that last picture (Allie, if you see this and are mad about the pic, let me know and I'll take it down. It just perfectly illustrates me right now. I'm even doing laundry today!). Allie Brosh also suffers from depression, although I am not sure if it's Manic Depression or not. I know that she is an amazingly talented web comic writer who made the brave decision to walk away from her comic/blog Hyperbole and a Half in order to better treat her depression. I have only been completely immobilized by my problems once, and it was for a very short time. This was a result of too little sleep and too much to do, and thankfully I was sent to a facility. I wasn't cured when I came out, but I was keenly aware of what my problem was and how to try to start addressing it. It's a struggle. My heart goes out to Allie and all the other incredible, kind, funny, beautiful, and crazy talented people who struggle with mental illness. To Allie in particular: I hope you are doing well, that you are getting better, and that we will hear from you again some day. Until then, take care of yourself. Know that I, and most of the internet it seems, love you.

Also, if you weren't aware, This:

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